Month: November 2020

Hello again, fellow bloggers!

As promised, I am going to delve into the dream world. The sleep kind, that is.

Now, I know there are people who do not remember their dreams at night. But I am one of those people who do remember my dreams, as they are quite vivid. I am going to start by listing my top three and some of my most prominent (and personal) and strange dreams, especially the recurring ones. So, here we go!

1. When I was a tyke living in Washington, D.C. – from 1968 to 1972 – I pretty much had the same dream every night: I was being chased by the dresser drawer in the room. That’s right. You read that correctly. First of all, I didn’t exactly have my own room. My bedroom was the living room (which ironically ended up being the same thing when I moved to Wadesboro, N.C., to live with my grandparents and aunt. And I just now made that connection as I never thought about it! LOL). Anyway, that tiny apartment on Georgia Avenue in D.C. only had one bedroom, which was my parents’ bedroom. I slept in the living room, which also had a dresser drawer in the corner. Now, why would that bother me? It is because to me it had a rather grotesque-looking face! I mean the way the thing looked, it had eyes, a nose, and a mouth! And a second mouth or lip at the bottom! And legs! (I have a picture of it, too!! I must post it here!) I even named it “Drawer.” At night, this thing would come to life in my dreams. It would slowly sway back and forth and then inch closer to my bed (or my let-out couch that folded out into a bed). Inching closer. And closer. And CLOSER! Until it “got me.” What do I mean by “got me?” It would tickle my back, which was the strangest thing!! But it was pure torture! I absolutely hated it! When I would awake in the middle of the night, I would normally go into my parents’ bedroom and end up sleeping on the end of their bed. I was a strange kid. Sometimes, my parents would put me back in my bed. The next morning, I would go on and on and on to my mother about DRAWER! I think she told me once she was worried about me and considered getting me professional help!
2. Oh and here is recurring/strange dream number two: Running away from home in Wadesboro (where I lived from 1972 to 1985. I left to go to Carolina in 1985 and would return for holidays and the summers). Now, I am not exactly sure when this dream started. I think it actually started AFTER I left there. Maybe it started in college or maybe later. But I don’t really recall dreaming that growing up there. I mean, maybe I did. But the scenario would go something like this: It was night. Sometimes my family – grandfather, grandmother, and aunt – were there. And sometimes not. Most times it started in the house, and then there is someone – or something – trying to get into the house. Or at least I think there is. Typically, I would end up leaving the house and either (a) go out the front door and go down the street, turn the corner to the left, down that street, which was Main, and go to the store where I used to stop off after school to play video games. (b) go out the front door and go up the street and turn the corner to the right and go down Catherine Lane and head towards Salisbury Street. (c) go out the back door and do sort of the same thing, but go through our backyard and go either to the left or to the right up or down that street, which basically all leads to the same streets — Salisbury Street. Why I would do that I have NO IDEA! And the dreams would be different with the exception of those details. Sometimes I am being chased by something or someone. Sometimes not. Sometimes it is dark. And sometimes it is actually broad daylight. Sometimes my family CHASES me out of the house! Sometimes not. There is something about that house …
3. But the main, MAIN recurring dream is of me FLYING!!!! That is the other detail from number 2. Mostly, I am floating/flying up or down the streets in question. Regardless, I am flying in my dreams and as high as possible. And sometimes to get away from people chasing me or from uncomfortable situations. I have been known to fly so high in my dreams, it is like I’m on an airplane! LOL I actually love those dreams, even when it is super, super high!

Okay, well there you have it! The start of my dreams, dreams, dreams! And I will be back with MORE dreams! Take care! And keep dreaming! (borrowed from Sylvester Stallone’s keep punching quote – ha!) 🙂

Hello, fellow bloggers! I’m back!

Been a little while since I posted something. I have been busy trying to learn WordPress and blogging and getting used to this new wonderful part of my life.

I must say there is a LOT to this!!! I am overwhelmed, but this time in a good way. There is absolutely so much to learn, and I am eager to do so. I am eventually gearing up to make money blogging. My vision is to have this as a stable (bill-paying) income, realistically starting off in the five figures per year and getting up to six figures and even seven figures!

Let’s face it, this BLEEPING pandemic has changed a LOT of things for all of us. Working and making an income is one of them. A great number of people have lost their jobs and incomes, which has caused widespread panic. Fortunately, I still have two of my jobs. I lost the third one earlier this year not due to the virus, but because I am a mouthy bitch LOL But digress.

First of all, there is problem – in my opinion – of having to have more than just one job. This is America, the RICHEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD – remember????? Yeah, well rich for whom? The top 1% of billionaires, apparently. In the richest country in the world, NO ONE should have to rely on more than one job to make ends meet. That is insane!!!!!! You should have multiple sources of income YES! But not from jobs.

Secondly, all of this has me thinking that working from home is the way to go. To be more specific, having either your own brand or making your OWN income without that of a JOB – Just Over Broke -where you are always waiting for your money and are always at the mercy of the employer. BLEEP THAT MESS! It is time to change the thinking on all of that. Change the paradigm, as they say.

So, this is why I am taking up blogging and learning as much as I can about WordPress and Bluehost and everything I can about navigating the site and the ins and outs of blogging.

I wish to thank all of you for coming along with me on this journey. More later … perhaps tomorrow … tee hee

This blog is intended to discuss mental health issues. However, it is also designed to discuss me and my personal life. And one thing that I feel very safe and comfortable discussing are the BIZARRE dreams that I have almost on a nightly basis. And I have a tendency to remember my dreams, whereas most people do not. I will not start off this particular post discussing my actual dreams just yet. I just wanted to reach out by saying if there are some dreams you wish to bring up, this is the place to do it. I would like to start a forum for dreams.

Some people think dreams are just dreams. And there are those like me who strongly believe that our dreams are a window and an insight as to what is going on with us. This life and reality that we are living in is NOT EASY. Not by a long shot. There are so many beliefs and ideologies and people and just crap that it can really bog us all down. And I think one of the many ways the pressure of all of this can manifest itself is through our dreams.

So, I think my very next post is going to be one of my latest dreams. Heck, I may even reach back in the annals of my old, old dreams and tell one of those. One such set of dreams occurred when I was a toddler that was a — wait for it – a RECURRING dream.

So, stay tuned …

As I stated in a previous post, I realize that I have been suffering from recurring and intrusive and/or scary thoughts all my life. See my list below:

1. When I was a child, I was afraid that a dressing drawer in the living room, which is where I slept, was going to come to life and get me. As a matter of fact, I dreamt it about it practically every night. It would come to life and tickle my back, which was weird.
2. I became obsessed and also had nightmares about the movie “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” back in 1977. The white-hooded figure would “get me” in my dreams, by again tickling me on my back. Why the back?? LOL
3. I became obsessed with my height in my preteen years. I thought I was shorter than everybody else. I would stuff socks in my shoes to appear taller. I did this, I believe, from age 12 to about 15 or 16, I think. I was sick!
4. The biggie came next when I was afraid of being nuked! Yes, I was a teen during the Cold War of the 80s with the fear of nuclear war. And watching movies such as “The Day After,” “Testament,” and “Threads” didn’t help. To add to my misery, my parents and brother lived and still do live in Washington, D.C., which of course would be a target, if not the first target. Every visit there for the summer was pure torture for me. I was in agony.
5. I was in a cult and thought that I was blaspheming the Holy Ghost because of a song. Yes. I a song. A secular song called “Dangerous Man,” by my favorite group Culture Club. In the song, there is a lyric that goes like this: “Martin (referring to Martin Luther King, Jr.) had the Devil just like anyone can. But he spoke words they were frightened to mention.” This sent me into a tailspin, because I thought in singing this song all these years I had done something wrong!!
6. The other biggie which has haunted me since is when an astrologer told me in 1999 during a reading that I was bisexual.! My mind didn’t take this too well, considering I had been an openly gay man for the better part of a decade. This is the source of my biggest recurring thoughts today. The others have gone away.
7. But of course, I cannot forget the I-think-I’m-going-to-go-blind recurring thought. Why do I think this? Because of my eye floaters!!!! Needless, to say reading info on the Internet is NOT a good idea all the time.

I think this about covers it. I am sure there are more. I have kept a list. And I will be adding more to this. Now you know what I have been going through. More later …

Maybe I am the last person to say the above, but I think mental illness is manageable – whether that is through medication ( which is the usual route) or through therapy (another usual route) or even prayer and meditation. Whatever works best for you. I have done all of the above, quite honestly. I feel right now I should be back in therapy if nothing else to have someone else listen without judgment and yes, perhaps validate my feelings and thoughts. My issue is recurring and intrusive thoughts, something I have been plagued with all my life. I just feel that over the last several years it has gotten worse. I am currently off any medications. Perhaps I should be back on them, too.

I have been practicing what I consider to be a “mind over matter” technique, which consists of deep breathing and being as mindful as possible. Mindfulness is a new technique that I have picked up and been using for the past several months now. I feel that it does help me. I try to look at intrusive thoughts as “balloons” or water like a flowing river. I don’t engage with them. I simply notice them and keep on about my business. As they say, “fighting” with the thoughts or what I do is downright argue with them by thinking or even verbalizing – “this isn’t true!” “No, I don’t want to do that!” or what have you – fighting with them makes it worse. And that is true. It is tough, but I can do it. And so can you.

This is just short note on this subject for today. I will continue to speak more on this issue. Feel free to leave any comments about what works best for you. All the best!!

Good morning, my fellow bloggers!!!

I think it is a great idea to check in with yourself, definitely the first thing in the morning, as well as throughout the day. I feel that it is good for your overall mental health. Let’s be honest, there is soooo MUCH that goes through our minds, and happens during our daily lives, etc. That it can all be overwhelming. I check in with myself ALL DAY — well, I actually have set times, and this has really worked for me.

I meditate and check in in the morning.

I do it at 12 p.m.

Again, at 3 p.m.

6 p.m.

And finally, at 9 p.m.

Again, i find that those times work the best for me. And what does a check in for me look like?

Well, the most extensive one is in the morning after I get up, go pee (I mean, let’s be honest!!!), and get my coffee — typically two cups, sometimes three. I usually take about an hour — sometimes not that long – to check in with myself and get it together. I listen to and/or watch inspirational videos based on overall well-being, financial, health, and I do some journaling, which is actually a gratitude journal that I got from watching Oprah years and years ago. I have been keeping a journal steadily for nearly 20 years now! And all of the above is typically while I listen to music. I even do a Wonder Woman spin towards the end!! I do that for energy and to really wake me up, and it does!

The other times listed above are not as involved. I normally play some music during these times. I simply go in and boost my energy. Sometimes I even literally ask how am I doing right now. How am I feeling at this very moment?

I think you will find what works best for you. Obviously, you don’t have to take an hour like I do in the morning. And sometimes it is simply a thank you to God or your Higher Power for all of your blessings. Prayer. Being silent for a moment before getting out of bed. Listening to music. Exercising. Whatever works for you.

So, best of luck checking in with yourself! I really would like to hear how it works for you!!!

Good morning, my friends! I am testing things out on my new blog. There are lots to learn. So, thank you for your patience.

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