Why Are People So Afraid of Their Feelings?

Welcome back, my dear friends! I hope everyone is doing well and everything is going according to your plan!

“Feelings!!! Nothing more than FEELINGS!”

I am pretty sure many of you have heard the song, sung and covered by NUMEROUS artists. However, it first became famous because of Morris Albert back in 1975. (Though there is the controversy that he stole it from LouLou Gasté and was subsequently sued!!) But check it out anyway: 😂

The reason I am bringing this up is because for most of my life, I have been told that my feelings and emotions are bad. Rather, the negative ones are bad – such as anger, sadness, and yes, bitterness and hate.

But why are people so afraid of feelings and emotions, even their own?

We are given all sorts of mixed and rather toxic messages about our feelings and emotions, starting even in childhood.

As a child, when I was spanked, and started to cry, I was told “stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Um well, you are inflicting physical pain upon me that hurts. So, yes, I am going to CRY!!! PLUS you are ALREADY giving me something to cry about in the first place!!! DAMN! Make up your mind!

Little boys are often told “don’t cry. Crying is for sissies.” Another horrible, toxic message given to boys and men.

Even young girls are being told to “toughen up. It’s a man’s world. So, you gotta show how strong you are. Show no weakness. Be and act like a MAN!!”

And then you get older, and you are told to not show your anger. “Don’t let things bother you. Don’t get mad. Are you mad? Why are you mad?” It’s ridiculous.

And don’t get me started on the whole hate thing. Okay, so definitely hating people, especially specific groups of people who are different than you, is NOT a good thing. However, if someone does something to you that is horrible, it is normal to hate what they did and even hate that person. You are allowed to feel that way. These are YOUR feelings! And there is nothing wrong with that!

I would say don’t get stuck in that feeling, though. But it is okay to feel how you want to feel. Just figure out a way to work through it.

As adults, we are constantly told “to be strong.” “Never let them see you sweat.” Blah, blah, blah. But I’m really wondering why these stupid things are said? Is it to better help the person feeling this way to cope or “feel” better?

OR is it because it makes others FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE??????????

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Yep. Methinks that is what is mostly behind why people are against “certain” things, emotions, and yes, even people. THEY don’t want to feel uncomfortable.

It’s like people would rather see a train wreck (or car accident on the highway), rubbernecking and breaking their neck to see what happened – than to deal with someone who is expressing a “negative” feeling or emotion.

How many times have I been told – no LABELED – that I’m angry. I’m bitter. I’m letting something bother me. I’m complaining. ????

Honestly, this is how I tell a story! LOLOL I am very animated and dramatic (another of my labels). I feel like a fiery Italian (no offense at all to Italians!) telling a story, but others see it as bitterness, which is stupid. I don’t know how to tell a story without putting some PASSION behind it. I think it’s funny, but people take it TOOOOOOO seriously! Damn!

There are people, I know, who express themselves in the same way. As a matter of fact, they go even further than I do. BUT their friends and loved ones applaud them for “telling it like it is.” Me? What do I get? You’re angry. Okay. Thanks, a lot. Bitch. 😂😂😂

And don’t even be really enthusiastic or happy about something either, because people think you’re crazy, high or on something!

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I know there are those of you who have been dismissed and, perhaps, STILL being dismissed or rather gaslit into believing that what you feel is not valid or correct or just in YOUR mind and not true or real. I say how you feel is how you feel. Doesn’t make you wrong or bad. It simply means you’re HUMAN.

And going back to the original question – why are people afraid of their own feelings?

I think it’s because they are afraid of showing any kind of weakness or deficit. Because if they show that, then they open themselves up to potential criticism, shame or ridicule.

And as a result, we have been conditioned to walk around like zombies, i.e. that we don’t let anything bother us. And to an extent, I can agree with that. But certainly not to the detriment of your mental health.

We don’t want to cry when we feel like crying. We don’t want to vent when we’re angry. We don’t want to say how we really feel. Why? Because we ALWAYS want to appear as though we ALWAYS have it together. And also, because we don’t want to come across as vulnerable. But guess what? We are.

I think experiencing negative feelings is a good thing. Maybe it means something in your life needs to change, including yourself.

I have learned that when there is something or someone bothering me, perhaps it is time to move on. Change something, even if that something is me.

Feelings are NOT bad!! Sure, hanging onto certain feelings isn’t a good thing. However, allow yourself to feel that emotion, and then deal with it and yes, move forward and upward. (If you have read other blog posts of mine, you know I HATE the phrase “get over it!!!!)

I am not suggesting you wallow in your feelings or get lost in them or stay in them. What I am saying is ALLOW yourself the opportunity to FEEL them. You never know what you might learn – about yourself.

That’s it. Off my soapbox now. 😁😉

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Thank you very much for coming back, my dear friends and readers. Next week, I am going to talk about PRIDE!!!! Gay that is. 😉 Stay tuned.

Photo attribution: Courtesy of Unsplash. Artists: Amin RK, Brock Wegner, Clay Banks, and Mubariz-Mehd Izadeh.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).