Hello, my dear friends and readers. How goes it?
Before we get started, I want to talk about an affiliate program I have joined. So many Americans are not insured. It’s funny how we are forced to have car insurance to basically protect ourselves from others in the unfortunate event of an accident. However, when it comes to insuring ourselves, we are left to fend for ourselves, usually paying very high premiums and deductibles. This is where Sesame Care comes in.
Sesame Care is NOT insurance, but it is a direct-to-patient health care company making quality healthcare more accessible and affordable. Sesame connects healthcare providers to patients directly, separate from health insurance, to offer virtual + in-person appointments. And guess what? You don’t have to have health insurance!
You can even be seen virtually by a doctor for as low as $19! And I can personally vouch for them, as I use their services. Check it out by clicking on the banner below!
Now on with the show.
I am sitting back enjoying the Spring weather, and my little brain went to this topic about open relationships. To be honest, I have pondered this topic many times before.
But as I like to say, let’s take a deeper dive into the world of OPEN RELATIONSHIPS!!
Before I go any further, you will have to excuse me if I sound preachy or judgmental on the subject. It is not my intention. Believe me. I am simply giving my thoughts and opinions on the subject, and we all know what opinions are worth. At the end of the day, we will all do what we feel is right for us.
Also, please forgive me if my thoughts appear disorganized and rambly. I am doing this strictly in stream of consciousness style. 😊😉
“Essentially, we’re trying to find the perfect blend of intimacy, passion and commitment. To some people, the pros and cons of an open relationship are so balanced that they feel fulfilled in all three of those areas.”
Back in my gay day, there was no such thing as open relationships. Or rather we didn’t call it that. From what I recall, everyone I knew was trying to be in a monogamous relationship, myself included. I didn’t want to be with Tom, Dick, AND Harry. Or in my case Javier, Darrell, AND Israel at the same time. No, ma’am.
And of course, I’m exaggerating in terms of open relationships not being a thing, even back when I came out in 1989.
As a matter of fact, I want to say the first time I started hearing the term “open relationships,” particularly with regard to gay men, was in the late 90s/early 00s.
Though the terminology was new, well to me anyway, the concept has been around for a long, long time. I even remember back in the 70s, when I was a child, hearing about “swingers” and even seeing it on TV. One such program that tackled it rather humorously was the show Maude.
And the episode featured str8 people, of course.
I like the term “swingers” better than “open relationships,” by the way. The term “swingers” is so 70s, and if you know me, you know I love everything 70s. 😁😂
But no doubt someone along the way got offended by the term and wanted to change it. Le sigh.
And speaking of str8 people, in doing a little research, I learned that the idea of open relationships was first mentioned in a 1972 book entitled Open Marriage by George and Nena O’Neill.
Apparently, the O’Neills created a bit of a monster, because their intention was actually NOT to promote a sexual relationship necessarily outside of marriage, but rather that it was healthy to develop outside FRIENDSHIPS with other couples and/or individuals.
They did, however, discuss in one chapter in the book that open marriage COULD include SOME forms of sexuality with other couples.
However, people back then took that concept and really ran with it, and I believe this is where we get the idea of what is now known as an open relationship, whether gay, straight or bisexual.
So, back this up a bit, perhaps gay men got this concept from str8 people. I don’t know. That is surprising, though, since there are so many gay men who do not wish to emulate or copy anything str8 people do.
I personally don’t believe in open relationships. I have a saying:
If you can be committed to your job, your pet, going to the gym, your family, then you can certainly be committed to one person. Just my opinion.
Also, why not just remain single and play around?
I’m going to be bold to say that it all sounds like people are afraid to be alone.
There. I said it. PLEASE feel to agree or disagree in the comment section below. I truly want to start a dialogue on this.
And I am leaving out lesbians, because I honestly have never heard of any lesbians in open relationships, and that is not meant to be stereotypical. The lesbians I know who are in relationships, theirs are monogamous. But again, please enlighten me.
I can only speak from the gay male perspective since I am a gay male.
The Benefits of Being Open
To be fair, I am going to discuss what I believe to the pros of being open. Okay, so from what I am understanding one of the benefits IS actually sexual. If one person isn’t into sex that much or no longer wants to have sex with their partner, then the partner is free to be with other people.
It is possible to develop other interests and friendships outside of the relationship without jealousy or fear of losing the other person.
Some people say that it actually strengthens their relationship.
You can always return to home base safely without recrimination or fear of the other person walking away or leaving you. In other words, you will always have someone to go home to. So, you are never alone.
You have more of a variety to choose from. So, you’re not looking at the same face and body night after night after night. What is it they say that variety is the spice of life?
Perhaps it enhances your existing relationship and makes it more exciting.
The needs that your primary partner can’t give you may be fulfilled in someone else, and your primary partner is understanding about that.
No need to lie about what you’re doing. The partner already knows. So, it’s not like you’re cheating.
Let’s be honest, it’s really about sex. I know there are those who will argue with me on that. But you get to play out your fantasies, and you also get to have ALL of your sexual needs met, especially if your partner is unable to perform or doesn’t want to perform anymore, i.e. has lost interest, isn’t interested sexually in the things you are, and God forbid your partner is sick.
Monogamy? Ye or Nay?
I am finding more and more gay men who prefer open relationships. Some feel that it is close to impossible for men to be monogamous. And that monogamy is not a realistic goal.
I don’t think it is impossible to be monogamous or that it is unrealistic. As I stated earlier, if you can commit to your job, your pet, your workout routine, then you can commit to one person. But no judgments here. To each his own.
Other gay men say that it helps their relationship, and it even improves it.
So, I am going to try and be objective, though I am team monogamy.
But what if in an open relationship, emotions get involved and things become rather sticky and unpleasant when a third or more people are brought in?
I know of a gay couple who brought in a third person, and it ruined and, eventually, ended their relationship. One of them actually attempted to have a romantic relationship with the third-party person, and that eventually ended, too!
So, I just wouldn’t enter into an open or even a polyamorous or polygamous relationship unless I was fully prepared mentally and emotionally to do so.
Before I would ever enter into such a relationship, I would certainly lay down some ground rules and have certain boundaries. And some gay men in open relationships do set the “rules.”
If it were me, I would only “play” TOGETHER, and there are those open-minded couples who will only do that. They never go out on their own.
Secondly, I would insist on not sharing finances or even living space. Sorry, but no thanks. Because if we are open, I don’t see how we are in a relationship.
And most definitely, I would keep emotions and feelings out of it, including the relationship itself, but of course especially where the third-party people are concerned. I think in an open relationship, once someone falls for an outside person, then the game is over.
And also from what I understand, there are a lot, and I do mean a LOT, of sexless relationships out there, which is something else I don’t understand. Say one partner is just not interested in sex anymore at all, then they allow their person to go out and have their fun. But is that fair to you? Because, again, jealousy could come into play, no pun intended. And as much as people like to say they are not jealous, I really don’t believe them.
Come on, we’re human!
For me personally, I prefer to say that I am “open with myself.” That means, I am not interested in a romantic or emotional relationship with anyone at all. I wish to date around, which to me is a throwback to what I consider a 60s/70s attitude. There were PLENTY of people who were not committed to any one person. They “played the field,” which even as a child I thought was a good idea.
Why limit yourself? And why tie yourself down to one person?
Sounds to me like a case of wanting your cake and being able to eat it, too. And I know. I know. It’s cake. So, why not eat it?
Potential Risks
I think you’re taking some pretty big chances being in an open relationship. Hello! DISEASE!
I can hear the boos now.
No offense to anyone, but think of the risks you are taking, and I am thinking unwanted STIs and of course, once again, the emotional aspect of it.
Of course, there are prevention methods, such as condoms (which a lot of gay men prefer NOT to use. Can we say bareback? No thanks!) and now PrEP or Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, which is a medication designed to prevent the contraction and exposure to HIV.
So, when opening the relationship, just what are you opening it up to?
Only you can decide.
That is it for now. But I am already thinking there needs to be a part 2, since this is such a huge and very broad subject!
Again, these are MY OPINIONS! I apologize if any of you reading this feel that I am denigrating you. That is not my intention.
But you know there are open relationship-minded people who VEHEMENTLY condemn monogamy. So, then there’s that.
I do not think any less of anyone who makes the choices they make in their own life.
Before you go, by all means please check out the Five CBD ad listed below. Five CBD are CBD+THC gummies that are vegan (pectin based) and contain all-natural ingredients. With a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds, this gummy is a delicious way to take your daily dose.
Click on the banner to get 40% off + free shipping if you subscribe!
Each gummy container contains a mix of different fruity flavors that are listed below.
Buzz: Blue Razz, Redberry, Lemon, and Orange
Buzz Sour: Sour Blue Razz, Sour Redberry, Sour Lemon, and Sour Orange
Original: Blue Razz, Berry, Lemon, and Orange
Sleep: Berry
Sour: Sour Blue Razz, Sour Redberry, Sour Lemon, and Sour Orange
Try them out by clicking on the banner below! (or above to get 40% off when you subscribe!!)
Until next time, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
