Hello, everybody! Well, it is back to the hard-hitting stuff that could affect our mental wellbeing and health.
This week, it’s about rejection.
I did a blog post about this earlier this year, as a matter of fact. Please see below:
The above post was more general. Today, it is going to be specifically geared towards GASP!! 😱 love and relationships and romance. (Cue the violins) 🎻🎻🎻😁
Nobody but nobody likes to be rejected romantically.
And it has happened to all of us.
And no, Madonna, it is NOT the greatest aphrodisiac, as you stated in your glorious song, Forbidden Love. 😓😁😓😉
The past hurts, rejections, and romantic disappointments most certainly plays a key role in us acting like scared little crybabies today. Okay, I shall speak for myself. 😁🎻
When someone rejects us in that way, we feel unworthy, unloved, unlovable. We ask “well, what’s wrong with me?” “There MUST be something wrong with me.”
No. There isn’t.
People have the right to feel how they feel. And if they don’t feel an attraction to you, that’s okay. We most certainly don’t feel an attraction to everyone we meet, do we?
Sounds good. But of course, getting rejected STILL hurts!
But what do you do when getting rejected turns into a blow not just to your ego, but to your self confidence and mental health? What happens when it affects your overall self-esteem and mental wellbeing? Then it’s time to evaluate things.
Getting rejected, especially if it happens constantly, can become a bitter narrative in your head of why should I bother to even try again if I am going to get rejected anyway?
After it happened to me repeatedly, I just didn’t want to try anymore. I was afraid to put myself out there. I suffered from the “why bothers.”
Why bother when I am going to get rejected anyway?
Why bother when I am going to lose?
Why bother when I am only going to be told no anyway and not get what I want? Again.
As I said above, this rejection thing can turn into a broken tape being replayed over and over again in your head of “what’s wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t anybody want ME??”
Am I doing something wrong? Should I reevaluate myself?
And you do reevaluate yourself, and STILL it happens!!!
I am not going to rehash the ENDLESS and voluminous times I have been rejected romantically. We’d be here all day.
So, I will only mention the two most recent ones.
In 2022, I faced not one, but TWO romantic rejections. The first was at the beginning of 2022, and by someone I had dated 13 years prior who came back into my life. And yes, I think it was during a mercury retrograde, and I’m just going to leave that right there. 😉
The second occurred at the end of 2022, when after initially meeting someone for coffee, he told me right then and there that there wasn’t a sexual spark. Well, I never!! I wasted a trip out, especially when I was going to leave anyway when I thought he had stood me up!
Then I remembered what someone told me once that rejection means not you, not at this time. I suppose that lessens the blow a bit.
Or you can look at rejection as a good thing, that perhaps the thing you want isn’t good for you after all.
In the above two “romantic” situations, I now consider it a good thing. 😊
And to be fair, I’ve done it, too. Rejected someone romantically. And in some of the most horrific ways, particularly not calling someone back, which is now referred to as “ghosting.” Who comes up with these inane terms anyway?
As adults, it is definitely going to happen. But it is how we handle it that makes the difference. Are we going to move on and not let it bother us? Or are we going to sink into a deep hole of feeling not just rejected, but feeling worthless?
Will the rejection keep us from trying again?
I would never presume to tell anyone how to handle a romantic rejection, but I can sure tell you I’m much better able to handle rejection now than the first time it happened, and I was at the receiving end of Phil Leonard’s rejection at the Power Company back in 1989! We’ve come a long way, baby!
I would hope I wouldn’t let it bother me. The old me would have taken it extremely personally and would have cried, like that cold night in October 1989 when Phil Leonard told me he wasn’t interested in me romantically. I think the new me would be more angry, to be honest, and say “Well, what’s wrong with me?” 😂😂😂
But seriously, I just think I would be more adult about it, and develop a who cares mentality.
My new strategy is more of getting a feel for the person or situation first. See what their vibe is and where they’re coming from before I declare my undying love. 🤣😁😂
Feel the waters, as they say.
And then strike 😂 – er I mean, keep it light and airy and see if they want to hang out.
I don’t want this to sound like Derek’s dating advice, but I’ve been down this road too many times. The one thing I definitely don’t want to do is assume anything. I assumed too much in the past and misread signals.
I definitely do not want to play a scared little rabbit who let the previous jokers and tokers keep me from putting my toe back in the proverbial water. I don’t want them to have power over me.
Atlanta Men, Cliques, Tricks, and Apps
Now, I am going to talk about the Atlanta gay men. Le sigh.
Now, they say that gay men are the same all over. But are they? I wouldn’t know. I have only lived in North Carolina and Atlanta as an adult.
Not meaning to make generalizations – oh hell, yes I do — but Atlanta gay men seem to be very cliquish and into their little categories – the gym bunnies. The bears. The twinks. The white men who only prefer black men. The black men who only prefer white men. It is rather boring.
So, sometimes in trying to break into said categories, the rejection quota went up. In other words, if you don’t look like them or act like them, then go away. And no, I am not crying racism!
Times have changed. And so have the men. The Silver Daddies now all WANT to look like Santa Claus!!! Ugh!! And now EVERYBODY and their gay mama flock to the damn gym! And all of the endless gym pics with these suckers posing. EVERYONE does it now. It’s annoying and quite dull. And these pics are rampant on these dating “apps.”
Speaking of which, these apps are atrocious!!!!!! I don’t know where to even begin with that hot mess. For starters, it is very easy to misrepresent oneself on there. Can we say profile pics that are 30 years old?
Then you’ve got the ones who will CONSTANTLY, almost DAILY look at your picture. And you can tell because usually there is usually a visitors tab to see all the men who’ve viewed you. They look at your pic, yet NEVER say hello or cat, dog, kiss my ass or anything!
And in the middle of the madness, you actually DARE to say hello to any of them, and it’s like – cricket cricket chirp chirp. Nothing. No response. To me that equals rejection.
I can hear some of you now: Derek is BITTER! Easy buzzword to throw out there when it’s true what I’m saying! Just take a look around. You really have to distance yourself from the madness and rise above.
Or, again, as I like to say DETACH. My new favorite word.
And definitely go for it anyway if you feel that strongly. And never allow it to be a reflection of you or your worth.
Now rejection to me is like – “okay. Next?” If this one doesn’t work out, let me try the next thing and the next thing and so on and so forth. I will no longer allow it to rob me of my self worth.
And I most certainly will not allow it to stop me from going after what I want!
I think it’s almost like if you fall off a bike, you have to keep getting back on it.
Above and beyond anything else, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! Do something fun for YOU. Better yet, treat yourself as if you are “dating” YOURSELF!
Do YOUR thing. The right person will notice. 😊
That’s it for today.
BUT WAIT! Before you go, a word from our sponsor! 😂
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Come back next time as I delve into hypochondria! Oh I feel sick! 😁🤣😂
Until then, please be safe and mentally healthy – ALWAYS!!!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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