Greetings, all!
Welcome back for a never-ending, fun-filled trip into my mind! 😂
I’m going there today, not that I don’t already in my blog posts.
But I really wish to discuss and elaborate on why I have chased after men I couldn’t or SHOULDN’T have.
Warning: This post is so long that it will be in three parts!! And VERY revealing!!
And as the above song by Daryl & John states, I wanted to be One on One with my guys. However, some of them didn’t want to be One on One with me.
Anyhoo, I opened Pandora’s Box on Halloween with a post talking about the chase of one of my “men.” Please click on the banner below to get some context:
In the above post, I discussed my 1989 infatuation with my then coworker Phil Leonard.
But today, I’m going to examine ALL of my main “men” in what I call THE DEREK CHASE!!! (kinda like the movie and TV series The Paper Chase. Get it?! Oh never mind!) 😂
Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?
It all started in North Carolina.
Though, I have already discussed Phil, here are some highlights:
The Phil Chase – I followed him home, or at least made the attempt once. (I even got a speeding ticket after Thanksgiving 1989, rushing back from Wadesboro to Chapel Hill to see if I could follow him! Served me right!) And I did figure out where he lived, with a bit of Charlie’s Angels-like detective work and ingenuity.
I manipulated him – or tried to – on a couple of occasions. I did get him to come to my apartment to give him a Christmas present back in ’89. He showed up all right. With his dog. Woof!
I also manipulated him – or tried to anyway – to kiss me at PC on his 37th birthday in February 1990. He didn’t fall for it, though. DAMMIT! And he was very angry about it and called me out on my manipulation!
And all I really wanted was for him to take me to his heart. ❤️😓😁
Dave and Annie wrote a song about it. Check it out!
I did everything and pulled every trick in the book to get next to him. I played every love song that was popular back then, fantasizing about him being my lover. Particularly this one:
Because to me, he WAS my everything! That’s just how sick, twisted and deluded I was. And I can say that now.
The Charles Chase – But moving on. I have already discussed Charles Enzor, as well.
But here are some highlights:
I had more success with Charles, because he DID return my attraction. We used to dance together at both PC and CC – Capital Corral in Raleigh – both to the fast AND the slow stuff. And he did NOT hesitate for a moment to do either!
As a matter of fact, one of my fave slow dances with him was Sinead O’Connor’s version of the Prince song Nothing Compares to U. Rest in peace, Sinead. 😥
Because NOTHING compared to him. I mean, the man was the epitome of the Marlboro Man. He was the spitting image of Sam Elliott!
We used to close down both PC and CC, and he generally always walked me to my car, which always ended in a very steamy kiss. WOOF!! (I actually learned the term woof from him, which is now used rather extensively in the gay world!)
I tried to get him to come over, too, but it never happened.
I also called him – LOTS!
And I even figured out where he worked, passing by it as often as I could. So, I guess a bit of stalking on my part. I just never had the nerve to go in. He worked with his lover/roommate/best friend/whatever label Charles gave this guy (because it seemed to change every time I saw him). It was an art restoration and gallery.
There was a sort of sad, major climax to this tale, though.
There was that horrible night when I saw him around Christmastime, 1990. I hadn’t seen him in a while. And when I caught a glimpse of him, he had lost a great deal of weight. He was so emaciated and bone thin. So, I knew what the deal was: I realized that he had contracted the AIDs virus.
We did talk that night, but he did not confirm my suspicions of his illness. And yes, we danced, et al, like nothing had ever happened.
However, I spent the next day on my couch in tears!!
We continued to meet up with each other at the bars, until the Darrell Chase in 1991, which is coming up.
Later, I moved to Atlanta in ’93, and I NEVER told him I left. I don’t know why. And then on a return trip to N.C., and to CC (and with my Israeli Chase – whom you’ll meet in this story), I was told that he passed away. And I have lived with the guilt and the regret of all that ever since… 😓
But then there was Darrell Mitchell, who was a whole other story.
The Darrell Chase – My relationship with Darrell can be summed up with the above song by Eurythmics – Put The Blame On Me. Because everything was MY fault, according to Darrell.
However, there is much more to it than what the lyrics convey, but there is that one line that DEFINITELY nails it – “Where are you tonight? Are you sleeping on your own? I need to know where you are tonight. Are you sleeping on your very own? Tell the one that’s lying with you, to get right up and go back home.”
Yeah, I could have easily said this to Darrell. As a matter of fact, knowing me, I probably did. So, draw your own conclusions from those lines what you will. 🤔🤔🤔
At any rate, Darrell was my first OFFICIAL lover. I was around 24 at the time. He was 37. We met in 1991, somewhere sort of in the middle of the Charles storyline. And yes, we met at the very electric Power Company. 😂 As I’ve said before, it was my home away from home back in the day.
I first saw Darrell at the very-well lit end of the bar at PC. There was the whole cruising each other, at first, to gauge interest. The locking of the eyes and then looking away, and looking again to make sure there WAS interest. Then the actual meeting, followed by the light banter. And I think I asked him out to lunch or something like that, upon which he wrote on a napkin “let’s,” along with his phone number.
Yeah. That’s how we met and got each other’s phone numbers back during the Stone Ages! 😁😊😂🤣
We fooled around on our first date. And to cut to the chase, I technically lost my virginity to him on our 2nd date, in which he violated me. And for now, we will just leave it at that. Again, draw your own conclusions. 🤔
From then on, our sex life consisted of me asking – no BEGGING – him to wear a condom, which he consistently refused!! I don’t know, there was this thing going on at the time killing gay men, called the AIDS crisis. 🤔
He did acquiesce, but stupidly used Vaseline as a lubricant, which of course can cause a condom to rupture. And it did, which further sent me into panic mode!
And on top of that, he would forever talk about his exes, especially this drug-addicted, jailbird named Everette. He would tell me on more than one occasion that Everette was better built and better looking than both of us.
He also BRAGGED about having an affair with one of his UNDERAGE male students!!!
Whenever we were out, he would look at other men, and make the most disgusting and lurid remarks about them.
Because of his abuse (okay and my own STUFF), I splintered off from myself. By now, it is no secret that I called myself Daryl & Company back then. And as my other selves, I did some TERRIBLE things and said some TERRIBLE things to Darrell. And I own that now.
(Ironic that I called one of my alters Daryl and I was dating a Darrell, different spellings). Haha!
Being sort of religious – HA! – Darrell would call me “legion” from the Bible, because there were many (of me, so to speak). Hey! I only had three back then, as opposed to 13 now! 😁😂🤣
As a matter of fact, when I found out Darrell cheated on me (I found a letter from a Willie Terrell in Atlanta), I turned into Terrible Terence and plotted to drug him, tape record him and get him fired from his choral teaching job!!! 😱🫨
I didn’t follow through with it, thankfully.
Yet, I stayed. After the psychological, sexual and emotional abuse, and the cheating, I. Stayed. And I actually never STRAYED, oddly enough. And I definitely had plenty of offers back then.
We actually broke up towards the tale end of 1991. He sent me a Dear Derek letter. 🤣😂😂 He said he just couldn’t take it anymore. Whatever.
And that should have been the end of it. But it wasn’t. Because in early 1992, we reconciled. As a matter of fact, he contacted me. Nothing much had changed. Eventually, we fell back into the same old habits.
It was the summer of 1992 when things sort of came to a head, so to speak. An unbelievable denouement.
Darrell got a teaching job in Atlanta, where this Willie Terrell person lived. But before he left, he told me he got tested for HIV!! He was very romantic and loving, and we made love one last time. I say made love, because it was the most tender and loving I had EVER seen Darrell!!
Then he moved. And it was Over. Or was it???
Then I got the call from the Durham Health Department that someone I had recently slept with tested positive for HIV.
Well, who the hell else could it have been but Darrell????
I called him in Atlanta and confronted him about it, and he lied saying it wasn’t him. He didn’t have it. LIAR!!!!!
I went through (more) HELL because of him!!
After NUMEROUS tests, fortunately I didn’t have it. And I have NEVER contracted it, THANK GOD!
The Elliot Chase – But let’s skip over Darrell and move onto John Elliot. I tried to get close to him, but let’s just say his dog wouldn’t let that happen.
He was a professor at Duke, and for the life of me I don’t remember what he taught.
He was rather short, bearded, and his house was like a museum! And he talked about his ex, too, a Dante, who he would drone on and on about how this Dante cheated on him! Oh brother.
But are you bitches ready for this????? Apparently, Darrell and Elliot shared the same man – EVERETTE!! Well, not at the same time. But in discussing Darrell, of course, I brought up this Everette. And that is when Elliot dropped a bomb on me, by saying he, too, had been with Everette!!! As a matter of fact, I remember when Elliot told me that he once visited Everette in jail for drug possession, and he was in shackles!!!!
Oh boy, I can sure pick ’em!!
I decided in the summer of 1992 to fly to the Bahamas. WITHOUT Elliot. I don’t think he liked that. And we broke up afterwards. Oh. Well.
Then in July 1993, I moved to Atlanta, yes, where Darrell was also living!!
I ran into him, once back in ’93, at the then Burkhart’s. (Too bad I wasn’t in my car! Hahaha! My little joke 😂) And he acted as if nothing had happened!! And I kept my mouth shut when I shouldn’t have. And he touched me, and it absolutely made my skin crawl and cringe upon itself.
Fast forward to Valentine’s night 2001 – I found out on a date with another guy that someone had shot him in the face and killed him outside a gay bar in Augusta, GA. I read about this in The Southern Voice. Oh. Well.
That’s it, kiddies!
But before you go, check out my new website and business venture – The Derek Store!
Come back next week when we take this journey into Atlanta! You won’t want to miss Part 2! Until then and as always, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
