Month: April 2023

Hello, all of my dear friends! I do hope your Spring is coming along well!

As the title says, I would like to discuss why we allow other people’s rude and bad behaviour to continue.

I think part of the reason why we allow it to go on could be due to several reasons:

1. Fear. We are afraid of starting an argument or even worse – the confrontation leading to violence.
2. We don’t believe the offender will ever change – and perhaps you are correct in that assertion.
3. We are told and conditioned “that that is the way they are,” which goes along with perhaps they will not change.
4. Not wanting to make waves and hold these people accountable, which goes back to the fear of speaking up.

And possibly a whole host of other reasons why.

Regardless of the reasons, never, EVER blame yourself and think it is something you did or said or even didn’t do or say!!!

Before we go any further, I am going to include this very helpful video about not making excuses for other people’s rude and/or bad behaviour. Please click below!

And what is the old saying – “you are only teaching someone how to treat you.”

Oh and for the record, rudeness doesn’t have to be something that is tempered with anger or meanness. It can even be the quiet and little, subtle jabs that can sting just as badly and linger the longest.

Which brings me to insightful video number 2, about the sneaky ways people can disrespect you. Please watch!

Now, I have written a great deal of posts about people – my darling little Earth Things – for quite some time now. I suppose I’m doing it to try and understand their behaviour. Because as someone once said to me, “human beings are messy.” And that is certainly an understatement. Messy and complicated and just downright meh.

And of course, we have all run into people who are just downright rude and toxic, whether they are strangers or friends or even members in your own family.

And that is exactly where I’ll tell my own personal story – about my own family.

I am not going to say who it is, for once, but I will say that it is a rather close family member, whom I shall call Ted. Ted is rather disagreeable and can be downright mean. I have witnessed this behaviour all my life; however, it seems Ted has gotten worse.

And Ted has directed this negative energy in my direction more times than I can either count or remember.

Ted is also a full-blown – say it with me folks: NARCISSIST!!

Other family members who live with this demon have tried in the past to set boundaries and limits, with SOME success. However, Ted continues to cross those boundaries and say and even commit such heinous atrocities.

The only person who can truly keep Ted in check, as they say, is a person whom shall be referred to as Marion. Marion sets the law down with Ted, and Ted actually backs down.

As stated above, I have engaged in heated battles with Ted in the past, but it, of course, has done no good. I was told by other family members, on more than one occasion, to just not say anything where Ted is concerned. And I have learned to do just that. Keep my mouth shut. But is that doing any good? I mean, sure it keeps the peace. But is that good for everyone else’s mental health in the long run?

I can tell you that the other family members who live with Ted go on trips WITHOUT him, which I don’t blame them. They now only travel together when necessary and for family emergencies and special occasions.

I don’t even want to be around this person, because they are so toxic.

When it comes to phone calls, I just don’t call. I will call other members of the family, but not him. In the past, the phone calls would just erupt into fierce arguments.

And speaking of rudeness and toxicity, I am reminded of a post I did a couple of weeks back pertaining to rude coworkers. Please click on the link below for that post:

Stop Enabling Rude, Toxic Workplace Bullies

There should absolutely be no fear in dealing with these individuals. And I know a great many of you keep silent, myself included. But again, I ask the question is that doing anyone any good? Is that good for our overall mental health?

And as several of my posts this year, and in the past, have been stating, it is okay to steer clear of these individuals. Detach from them, my favorite new word to use in situations like what I am describing.

This isn’t a “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” sort of thing. But quite the opposite. “If you can’t beat ’em, delete ’em!!”

It may be easier said than done, particularly when it comes to family. But I am a firm believer in protecting your mental wellbeing at all costs, even if that means excluding certain family members.

And remember, if you feel that you cannot cope with toxic people and their extremely rude and impertinent behaviour, be it family or friends, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Now, if online therapy isn’t for you and the cost is too high, then a much simpler route is trying CBD/THC-infused gummies. Please click on the banner below for Five CBD+.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

PHOTO ATTRIBUTION: Jonathan Borba

Hello! Hello! My dear friends! Welcome back to another round of what goes through Derek’s head! 😂😂😂

Stop assuming friendship with people, because they don’t care. And, therefore, why should you?

Having friends is wonderful, especially those you can count on. However, there are some people who don’t value friendship or it just doesn’t mean the same to them as it does to you.

And, in my opinion, it is time to back away – detach as I discussed in a previous post. And if necessary, cut them loose altogether.

It is Okay to Detach from People

I know, I get it. As we grow older, our needs change. Our priorities change. We get “busier” or that is at least what we tell ourselves and others. We just don’t have the same time as we did when we were younger or our friendship circle changes.

However, when you have been friends with the same group of people for years and suddenly they don’t seem to have time for you when they are not that busy. Or you are not getting the phone calls – sorry – the text messages, you used to, time to ask what’s up?

And I also get that people just simply grow apart for whatever reason, because of time or distance or what have you.

I have also had friends who thought they could walk all over me, because they assumed friendship. And I stupidly allowed them to do it in the name of said, so-called friendship.

Try that shit now, and I can promise you you’ll get your feet cut off. 😂😂😂

But I digress. I am going to tell another one of my boring tales to give you an example of when I assumed friendship when I shouldn’t have. And believe me I have more than one story.

This tale is about — well, let’s just call the bitch — Mother Devereaux. Several of you arleady know the story. So I will, for once, try and make it brief. 😉

I moved in with Mother Devereaux back in the summer of 2019, and I thought it was going to be a wonderful experience. I thought and ASSUMED this person would be the perfect roommate, because of their easy-going demeanor. We had known each other for over 20 years.

Oh this is actually a gay man, by the way, but I like to call him Mother Devereaux because of Golden Girls. I won’t explain further, as you can Google it. 😉

Well, things got rocky during Christmas of 2019. You see, I went to see my parents and brother in D.C. that Christmas. And at that time, the movie The Irishman, starring my main man Robert De Niro, had just come out on Netflix. And I figured that holiday would be a perfect time to watch it since I would have plenty of free time.

So, I went to D.C. armed with Mother Devereaux’s Netflix password so I could watch Mr. De Niro. Now, mind you, she GAVE it to me upon moving in. And she never told me that I couldn’t use it elsewhere. Plus I was paying for half of the bill.

So, on Christmas Day, I settled down to watch, when I suddenly got a text from Mother Devereaux, asking if I had used his password to log into Netflix. I texted back saying, ‘why yes I did. I’m about to watch The Irishman.’ I thought nothing of it, because I ASSUMED that he was checking to make sure. However, it went downhill from there.

He texted back asking didn’t my parents have a Netflix account, and I responded with no. That is when he told me that he didn’t want me using his password unless it was in the apartment. And I texted back saying that I didn’t think it was a big deal, because when he gave me the password, I ASSUMED I could use it anywhere. He hadn’t made any stipulations.

And he texted back saying something along the lines of he didn’t want his information stolen since he had already been through identity theft twice, which I knew about. And that it was a no-no for me to use his password info anywhere else.

I was beginning to simmer at this point, though. I texted him telling him that I was going to make sure that before I left to return to Atlanta, that I would erase his password and login info out of the Netflix account at my parents’ house. However, he still didn’t want me to use it. Okay, and so this is when I got mad.

On Christmas Day 2019, I called Mother Devereaux, who was actually at work, and cussed her out.

I told her that my family are not thieves and that NOBODY in my family was about to steal anybody’s password or identity. And that I ASSUMED that after knowing each other for over 20 years, that you would know and trust me better than that.

Besides, as I stated above he hadn’t told me that I couldn’t use the damn password wherever, and I could log in anywhere I wanted to. If I was going to dole out my password and login info to my roommate (and I now have another one), I would have a stipulation that you can only use it in the apartment. Duh!!!

Needless to say, after I finished letting her have it, I hung up the phone. I ended up watching my movie. And when it was time to return to DumbLanta, I erased all of the info out of Netflix so , heaven forbid, my mother or father or brother would decide to STEAL someone’s identity!!!!!! I mean, after all I am related to a den of thieves. Rolling my eyes fiercely!

So, upon my return to this wasteland called Atlanta, I got my own Netflix account and other streaming services, which is what I should have done in the beginning. I know. I know. Lesson learned.

I stopped paying for his bullshit, including Netflix and Disney and a few other things, too. I was just going to pay my half of the utilities and the rent, obviously, and that was it.

And when you fuck with my Christmas, you fuck with me, and THAT is a no no!!! Bitch. Just ask another former roommate.

But anyway, my point is I ASSUMED friendship. And I realize what a mistake I made. You should always ASK and not ASSUME.

Because how many times – HOW MANY TIMES – have FORMER friends ASSUMED friendship with me and did things or told me things without ASKING??? So, I am putting the “blame” about the above situation on myself, as well.

Friendships can be a trip and a half without the Louis Vuitton luggage. However, if you feel that you cannot cope in dealing with said friendships, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Well, that is it for today. I could go on and on AND on, on the subject of friendship. But we would be here all year.

At any rate, thank you for reading, and please join me the next time. In the meantime, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Photo attribution: Many thanks to Kitti Incendi-Haj, Rostyslav Savchyn, and Serhii Tyaglovsky.

Hello, everyone! I hope all of you are well!!

This week’s topic is one, I am very sure, all of you have dealt with at some point in your working lives. Perhaps you are currently dealing with it.

On the job, there is always that one person (or persons) who think they know it all. Or who bring the party down with negative comments. They think they’re being funny, but they are mean and sarcastic.

Or that one person (or persons) who is “intimidating.” Or unapproachable or just plain rude.

You know the type.

Well, it is time to discuss these horrid people and figure out how to deal with them effectively.

I have been working steadily since 1985, after I graduated low school. I started out working, what was referred to as, work-study jobs when I was in college, and overall it was a very pleasant and groovy experience for me. The people I worked for and with, were super nice.

However, when I started my first “real” part-time job off campus in 1989 at A Southern Season, it quickly became a different story.

There was one particular character who ALWAYS had some smart-ass comment to make, and normally it was directed towards me. And it turns out, he was a gay man!! Well, that explains a lot right there.

And believe me, it didn’t stop with him on other jobs.

I encountered characters, over the years, who were just downright mean.

I won’t name names or corporations (well, I guess I did above – ha!). Just give some very basics. SO, GET READY!!!

And perhaps you have encountered some of these same types.

The Religious Bitch

Picture it. Durham, N.C. A tiny paper and products store, an offshoot of a much bigger conglomeration.

She was tall, thin and bony and very mouthy when it came to proclaiming her Christianity. Everything was of the Devil, including and especially Halloween. One day, she even accused the Devil of stealing her keys. 😂🤣

She once said to me that if she had anything to say to me, she’d say it to my face. And she said it very rudely. Gee, how Christian of her. (Rolling my eyes.) This was my boss.

Teaching SUCKS!!!

My principal was a nightmare. The kids were a nightmare. Enough said.

The principal HATED me for some reason. He even once tried to fight me. Literally.

He was VERY unapproachable, to say the least.

Administrative Assistant Really Means Admini Ass

Although she wasn’t my overall boss, she was in charge of our department, and we were administrative assistants. Essentially, we were gophers and the pee-ons for everyone else in the company, particularly the sales department.

She was a miserable person who, at that time, was living SEXUALLY with her first cousin. Yep. You heard me right.

She was horrible, as she was always correcting me and the other girl who worked in the department, and over trivial stuff.

So, Screaming and Shouting Gets You What You Want on the Job!

Ah yes, the military company I worked for. One of my coworkers was living with a woman who already had four children by four different men. I. Kid. You. Not. While employed there, he ended up getting her pregnant, too. Big surprise there.

But he was a very disturbed individual with a LOT of mental issues. It was not unusual for him to scream at our boss, who was also quite the toxic individual himself. Our boss was an idiot who relied heavily upon his employees, as he didn’t know what the KCUF he was doing.

Yet he considered himself an “entrepreneur” and had a lot of money. Entre-manure is more like it.

Anyway, this other person screamed at me, and of course I screamed back. 😂😁😁😁😂🤣

Which by the way, if the leadership is weak, then 9 will get you 10, the rest of the company is, too. Please see the next example.

This is Supposed to Be a Fun Job. NOT!!!

Which brings me to the LAST (and hopefully last) toxic job of my life. Because I absolutely WILL NOT return to the hot mess I have described above.

I used to work for a place that was designed for fun, yet it was anything but.

There was one character who was just plain AWFUL to everyone. This lady had been there longer than anyone at that point and, therefore, she thought she was deserving of all the respect in the world. She felt that she was royalty, THE Queen Bee. And that everything should go her way or else the highway, and the rest of us should just bow down. And when it didn’t and we didn’t, she would complain to our boss (who by the way was very weak and ineffectual, as I described above). This woman would say VERY mean, condescending and unprofessional things in front of everyone.

She was the epitome of a bully.

I had a couple of run-ins with this person, myself, and it was brutal. I remember one time, in front of everyone, including our boss, I shut this person up quickly and told them “you can sit there and roll your eyes at me all you want to, I don’t care.”

All in all, this person who was also the oldest employee in our little group, acted the most childishly. She had to have her way at EVERY turn.

However, I hear that TPTB eventually fired this person. LOLOLOL

And a lot of people finally had had enough and left.

Oh. And don’t get me started on the people who tried to tell me that I didn’t want to be there. Well, first of all, neither did you.

Secondly, it’s none of your business.

And third and finally, when you are in a toxic environment, HELL NO you don’t want to be there! Why would you?? Your bad and negative energy is affecting me and others. Because I am here to tell you, that when you are on a job that respects you and wants you there and listens to you, you bring your very best.

I am happily in such an environment, where YOU are valued. And the higher ups WANT you there, and the leadership is VERY strong. And everyone is actually NICE!!! And it isn’t gossipy.

However, when you are in a despicable and even hostile work environment, where people are miserable and try to foist that misery upon you, and then blame you, you don’t care. No, you don’t want to be there. Tell me I’m wrong?

From the above scenarios, I hope you got the message.

And overall, you do NOT have to put up with this type of behavior. Ever.

On my current job, fortunately we don’t have these types of personalities. There are a couple of people who try to be bossy sometimes, but only a couple. However, the situation has been addressed, and the offenders have been dealt with.

So, if you’ve got a strong support network at work, utilize it. Let someone know. Complain. Hell, it is better than putting up with it. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

If you have a strong HR department, go to them!

Now, speaking of one of the current coworkers who received a little lecture, this brings me to another point that another coworker brought to my attention.

It was explained that this person “is just that way.” Well, the former coworker I was discussing at the so-called fun place, well that was the explanation for their behaviour, too. “That is just how they are.” And other employees who were, I am quite sure afraid of this person, enabled them. Big time.

Okay. So, I cry fowl (and bullshit) over the “that may be how you are in your own personal life,” but you don’t have to be an asshole on the job. There. I said it.

So, the current coworker and friend asked “why does everyone else have to cater to and bow down to someone else because that is the way they are?”

Good question. And I say, you don’t.

I would suggest calmly telling the offender, “I would like to talk to you for a minute.” Or “may I have a minute of your time? There is something I wish to discuss with you.” And then in the most gentle way possible, without anger (because I used to be dripping in anger like a poisoned dart – 😂😂), tell the person the problem. I actually just did this with one of my bosses!

Please check out this very insightful video on how to effectively deal with workplace bullies and nasty coworkers. There are actually TONS of videos like this on YouTube. Click on the link below:

Don’t put up with workplace bullies. It isn’t your fault that they don’t have a life and you do, because normally that’s where the problem is. They don’t have any real power in their personal lives, so they feel they can take it out on you in the workplace and on the job.

As I bring this post to a close, remember that we are not on our jobs to be belittled, aggravated, bossed around, pushed around, talked down to, walked all over or bullied. Hell no!! Advocate for yourself!! We are there to do a job. And it is understandable that everyone has a bad day every now and then. But don’t take it out on someone else.

Oh and sexual harassment of ANY kind, is NEVER to be tolerated whatsoever!!!!

As the above video states, in the end, you cannot change another person, which is also extremely important to remember.

A point to consider is that if you cannot cope with that annoying, toxic coworker and you need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Thank you once again for reading. I greatly appreciate the support. I really, really do. Please keep reading! And until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs, videos, or photos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).