Welcome back, my friends! Are you ready for Part 4 of our favorite topic – religion??? Stay tuned …
TRIGGER WARNING!! Part 4 is going to REALLY deep dive into the very TOXIC and DARK side of religion. The stories and some images you may find disturbing. As a matter of fact, I am going to be quite transparent: This part was so disturbing for me, that that is part of the reason why it has taken me so long to post part 4. This literally makes me sick to my stomach.
But I digress. So, far I have given you Parts 1 and 2 of my experience with organized religion.
Then I gave you a lot of positives in Part 3.
Now, it is time for the truly dark side.
But before we begin, I wish to also add that it isn’t religion’s fault (though some tenets of religion appear to be stricter than others). It is the PEOPLE, who follow these particular religions and who take them to the EXTREME.
And yes, one of the most harmful ways that religion can be toxic is if it goes into extremism, i.e. when it turns into a cult. Or you feel frightened to do or say anything for fear it will upset your God and send you to hell. Or when you feel that your religion is the only and correct way to God. Or you think God wants you to do something horrible for his love. Or heaven forbid, you feel the need to hurt yourself or others. Killing in the name of religion is just pure sick.
Get ready, because we are going to deep dive into religious CULTS!!
Cults – Jacked Up Jonestown
And I am going to start with something from the past that I have always found truly disturbing: The Guyana Jones Tragedy.
The first movie – that I remember – on the subject was released in 1980, starring James Earl Jones and Powers Boothe as Jim Jones.
I remember it in real time. And it started with one of my 6th grade teachers, Mr. Smith, way back in November of 1978 who, in graphic detail, described the events that surrounded the actual mass suicide. If you have never heard of any of this, then let me back up.
- His name was Jim Jones. He started off as a small-time minister in Indiana.
- It didn’t take long before his ministry grew, and quite large, too.
- He was very charismatic, to say the least. Now, as a child I do remember hearing about him in the news, but I don’t recall being alarmed about him. It wasn’t until he moved his entire church to Guyana in South America, where things began to take a decidedly dark and deadly turn.
- Jim Jones built his temple in Guyana and named it Jonestown, of course. These people were made to work hard to build this temple and keep it going.
- Rumors began circulating of Jones physically, mentally and even sexually abusing his parishioners. I am telling you these people would do ANYTHING for him.
- Things only got worse from there as he dissolved all the marriages in Jonestown. Some people thought this was okay; others did not. Anyone who resisted were severely punished. And Jones took advantage of this by having sex with some of the women, even impregnating some of them.
- But it didn’t end there. He also had relationships with some of the men, too.
- News of this traveled around the world, and we began to see all of this unfold.
- In November of 1978 , Senator Leo Ryan from California and newscasters went to see all of this for themselves.
- They questioned Jones and some of his parishioners, who claimed that everything was fine. They did offer the parishioners an opportunity to return with them if they were not happy or if they were being mistreated in any way. And some of them took them up on their offer.
- This did NOT sit well with Jones. So, he did the unthinkable. He ordered them killed as they were leaving, including Senator Ryan. Some of his men went to the airfield just as Senator Ryan and others were about to board their plane and shot and killed them, including those who wished to return with them.
- But that wasn’t the end of it. He ordered the rest of his parishioners to drink poisoned Kool-Aid to end their lives and meet him in Glory. And they did.
- And this is where the phrase “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid” or so and so “Drank the Kool-Aid” comes from. Now you know.
And my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Smith, told us horrible tales that day in class surrounding this. He even told us of a little boy who refused to drink the Kool-Aid. He was beaten until he threw up, and he was forced to eat his own vomit. I have no idea how Mr. Smith would even know something like that. But let’s just say that that day in class, I was thoroughly shocked and disgusted.
Cults – Hellish Heaven’s Gate
And do you remember the outer space cult where that weirdo said that some spaceship was coming to get the members? And they, too, drank some sort of poison and laid down in their beds to die and wait for said spaceship?
- Quick backstory: Back in the 1970s, Marshall Applewhite was a music professor, who allegedly engaged in a homosexual affair with a student. He was fired.
- It was after this that he met Sharon Nettles, whom he had a strong connection with, and whom he later stated was his platonic soulmate.
- They even eventually ended up living together, that is after she left her husband and children.
- They bonded over their shared belief in UFOs, spirituality, and the New Age movement.
- Soon, Applewhite began spreading his beliefs with Nettles by his side.
- It was long after that they felt they were two witnesses mentioned in the Bible in Revelations. (I am assuming they believed they were two of the 144 witnesses mentioned, but I digress).
- Before long, they also believed that they were Supreme Beings – aliens. They even changed their names: Applewhite became Do and Nettles became Ti.
- As most cults do, his following grew – to about 100.
- In 1983, Nettles passed away.
- Applewhite explained this as her passing on to the Next Level, and that she had ascended to a spaceship and received a new body and that he and his followers would do the same. He “symbolically married” his followers, and later stated that they were to look at him as Jesus Christ.
- Flashforward into the 90s, where Applewhite’s group took on several changes, including surgical castration as Applewhite believed that sexuality bound beings to their bodies and kept them from ascending to the Next Level. He also made his followers adopt short haircuts and unisex clothing to reinforce a nonsexual identity.
- In October of 1996, Applewhite and his followers rented a mansion in California. They learned that the Comet Hale-Bopp was soon approaching. Applewhite believed that Nettles was aboard a spacecraft that was following the comet, and her plan was to meet up with them.
- In March of 1997, Applewhite and his followers began recording, essentially, goodbye videos in which their intention was to commit suicide in order to join the passing comet.
- Most members took alcohol laced with barbiturates and then placed bags over their heads.
- They wore Nike shoes (said to be Applewhite’s favorite shoe) and black uniforms with patches that read “Heaven’s Gate Away Team.”
- A bag that contained a few dollars and a form of identification was placed beside most bodies.
- The deaths occurred over three days; Applewhite was one of the last four to die. Three assistants helped him commit suicide, then killed themselves.
Cults – Wacky Waco
And let’s not forget Waco, Texas. And Vernon Wayne Howell, aka David Koresh.
- In 1981, Vernon Wayne Howell moved to Waco, Texas, after being thrown out of his church congregation for trying to convince the pastor of his church in Houston that God wanted him to have his daughter for a wife.
- In Waco, he joined the Branch Davidians, a religious movement founded in 1955 by Benjamin Roden.
- In 1983, Howell claimed the gift of prophecy. He also stated that God wanted him to father a child with Lois Roden, whose deceased husband Benjamin had been the leader of the cult. Lois was in her late 60s.
- In 1990, Howell legally changed his name to David Koresh.
- As with all cult leaders, he began to state that he was some sort of Messiah. In Koresh’s case, he thought of his himself as a spiritual descendent of King David from the Bible.
- Koresh was able to establish his headquarters at the Mount Carmel Center after a rather lengthy and strange battle with George Roden, the son of Benajmin & Lois Roden.
- In the early 1990s, allegations of sexual and physical abuse of children began.
- Much like Jim Jones a decade plus before him, Koresh dissolved marriages and began having sex with the women, including underage girls, although he was legally married to Rachel Jones – and impregnating them.
- He forced the men to be celibate while engaging in sexual activity with their wives.
- It was reported that Koresh had fathered over 13 children, several with underage girls.
- A siege began on February 28, 1993, when over 70 agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms came to the compound to inspect under suspicion of illegal arms and weapons.
- A shootout ensued.
- A fire was started – allegedly by Koresh – which caused the compound to burn to the ground.
- Koresh was shot and killed. It is reported he died by his own hand.
- Over 20 people perished in the compound, including women and children, mostly by gunshots.
Sexual Abuse in the Church
And don’t get me started on the sexual abuse that has occurred in the Catholic Church with priests and young boys and girls! Heck, the Catholic Church isn’t the only one.
I am reminded of the story of a former friend who was sexually propositioned by her preacher when she just 13 years old!!
And you have already read for yourself the sexual abuse in the cults listed above.
And again, it is not just the Catholic Church. The following is taken from an NPR broadcast of Terry Gross this year – 2022 – about a scandal in the Southern Baptist Church:
“This is FRESH AIR. I’m Terry Gross. A sexual abuse scandal has shaken up the Southern Baptist Church. A report issued just over a week ago confirmed that survivors who came forward alleging they were sexually abused by church leaders, ministers, workers and volunteers were ignored or silenced by church leadership and often disparaged. Meanwhile, the church kept a secret list of over 700 offenders. The list was even kept secret from most of the church’s leaders. This new report was commissioned by the Southern Baptist Convention in response to a series of articles investigating widespread sexual abuse in the church. The series titled “Abuse Of Faith” was published in 2019 after a six-month investigation by a team of reporters from the Houston Chronicle and the San Antonio Express-News, a team headed by John Tedesco and my guest Robert Downen, a reporter for the Houston Chronicle. “
My Religious Grandfather and His Effect on My Mental Health
I have already talked about my experiences with religion in college. Well, I need to go even further back than that.
So, I was forced to go to church growing up. Sorry, but there is no other way to put it. For as long as I can remember living with my grandparents and aunt, I went to church every Sunday in some form or fashion. I revealed an old saying in Part 1 that my grandmother would always say – “As long as you live in this house, you are going to church.” And I did.
Where does my grandfather fit into all of this? Well, he would have his Bible wide open at his spot at the kitchen table. Good thing, right? Sure if that is your thing. However, I considered my grandfather to be the meanest thing walking!!
Oh my God where do I start:
- He belittled me at every turn.
- His favorite phrase to my grandmother was “that boy is going to be sorry when he grows up,” meaning I was going to amount to nothing.
- When I got my license, he grew tired of driving grandmother to get groceries. So, his new favorite phrase was “why don’t you get your grandson to take you?”
- Speaking of licenses and driving, he made it a pure nightmare when he taught me. He made me so frightened to even drive. It took me a while before I was truly comfortable behind the wheel. Talk about being a backseat driver!!
- But all of the above is nothing compared to the fact that my grandmother revealed in 1987 that he had had an affair with one of his coworkers that produced not one but TWO children, one of which I went to school with and didn’t even know it!
- She also revealed the fact that he gave her syphilis and had had other affairs!!
And I could go on and on and on and ON! My point is that for someone who was the deacon of our church – DEACON! – and so religious and God fearing, he was a mean, nasty, cheating son-of-a-gun. (And I haven’t even delved into his plotting against me!) And my other major point is that he made me feel unloved and unheard. I felt as if I was this thing that he tolerated and that I was bothering and inconveniencing him, which caused my self-esteem to plummet. He made me feel small and less than.
And to this day, I STILL feel at times that I am inconveniencing people or that I am unheard, like nobody is listening to me. Or that I do not matter. Wahhhhh! I know sob story. No not at all. I am definitely looking for no sympathy. It is what it is. Because I know I am a goddamn beautiful DIVA!!! 💕
Homosexuality
Well, you can just forget about any religion accepting same-sex relationships. In pretty much all of them, it is forbidden, taboo, and considered sinful – despite the fact that homosexuality is found in the animal kingdom!! Also, based on most religions, homosexuality is considered “unnatural.” Yeah, try convincing the typical homosexual, bisexual or lesbian of that.
For some reason, homosexuality has been considered THE greatest sin. To this day, I have no idea why homosexuality is often preached against and talked about when it comes to religion. Funny how we hardly hear anyone preaching from a pulpit the evils of child molestation or abuse, despite mounting and voluminous evidence of seeing it, especially in the Catholic Church. Just sayin’.
The Effects of Organized Religion on Mental Health
In a great number of organized religions, human beings are thought of as being sinful, evil, good-for-nothing creatures with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, except to follow and practice said religion and worship said God. Over time, this could cause some individuals to feel like they are unworthy, have poor body images, and extremely low self-esteem. And this was definitely part of my problem.
Sometimes practicing a particular religion can lead to obsession, anxiety and depression. In my case, it was true. I was always worried about going to hell. I became obsessed with mental thoughts that popped into my head about the Holy Spirit and my fear that I had blasphemed against it. I also know for a fact that I was depressed in some way because of these fears and obsessions.
Other examples of negative effects of religion:
- Some other often overlooked negative effects of religion could include being more judgmental of others and stacking them up against your own religious views.
- There is a possibility of having a more myopic view of others. In other words, through your judgmental religious lens, you are more likely to see things as just black and white, without seeing the gray areas in certain things, i.e. being narrowminded.
- And there is the possibility of not empathizing with other people, because of your narrow religious view.
And the damage done by horrible religious experiences can be long lasting and quite devastating. Reports have shown that some people from strict religious backgrounds are suicidal. Others turn to drugs and/or alcohol and even sexual promiscuity to cope with the demons – no pun intended – from being a part of a religious household or cult.
I split into several identities to help me cope.
The Results of being in a Toxic Church
Also, in some religions, it is a God all or nothing at all. In other words, EVERYTHING must be geared towards that religion and its God. Nothing secular allowed – from music to television shows to the way you dress. And just forget about having sex, unless it is within the boundaries of marriage – between a man and a woman, of course. I don’t know about other religions, per se, but I can tell you that this is extreme Christianity right here.
Some of the resulting damage from being involved in a toxic church is the view that you think you need to separate yourself from others because you believe you are too good to be around them. In other words, the whole “you are of this world and, therefore, a sinner and you are not good enough to be around me.”
Rebellion and Exodus from Organized Religion
There are reports and studies that show that people raised in extremely religious homes, rebel against their upbringing, because it was too strict. I have a friend who is the same age as I, whose father was a minister. And in their household, they were not even allowed to have a TV! They couldn’t listen to secular music (sound familiar?). And his mother could not wear pants or makeup!!
When his father died, the mother immediately went out and bought a television set, makeup, and pants! LOL
Well, that is going to do it for this rather difficult topic. I do hope if you are a person who is a former or even current religious person, that you have not been too triggered. And if so, always remember that there is help for you. Please click on and follow the link below:
Next time, I will conclude all of this with a 5th and final part to this ongoing saga. Feel free to leave me comments down below. And until then, and as always, please be mentally well.
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
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