Welcome back, my dear friends!
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
For the rest of the month, I am dusting off some old blog posts from last year pertaining to Pride. Today’s post was originally entitled For the Love of Pride, Please Stop the Microaggressions Directed towards the LGBTQ+ Community! So, you will see the word “microaggression” used a lot in this post. And I’ve done some retouches.
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Today’s topic pertains to the hatred and microaggressions that my LGBTQ+ community face.
And what is a microaggression? A microaggression is a big, fancy word that means “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority),” or in this case the LGBTQ+ community. In other, OTHER words, those little jabs and comments that str8 people make towards my community that are MEANT to be funny, but actually are not, but instead are very hurtful, harmful, toxic, misinformed, mean-spirited, downright rude, and just plain stupid. I see them as side, shady comments.
But at the end of the day, they are hateful and VERY prejudiced. And that is why I changed the original title to what it is.
And believe me, they take a toll on your mental wellbeing in having to either explain yourself over and over and OVER again. Or just simply having to hear them, making you feel less than or that you are not a real, worthy, or equal person (to your hetero counterparts).
I do not intend for this blog to be a finger pointer or a rant. (Okay, maybe just a little. 😂😂😂😂) But just some things for our straight allies to understand. So, you will have to forgive my tone. If it comes across as angry or “salty,” well, so be it. We’ll all survive. After all, the LGBTQ+ community has survived a lot of vitriol, hateful comments, and even death for eons.
I was inspired by the article by Huffpost entitled 14 Microaggressions LGBTQ People deal with All the Time. I have included the link at the end of this article as my source. But you know I had to include my own personal microaggressions.
There may be a crisscross between the Huffington Post list and mine, by the way. They listed 14, but I’m listing 16. (But there are MANY others!!) But, here we go:
- Your “LIFESTYLE.” What the heck??? WHAT lifestyle? Is this The Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous with Robin Leach??? Because that is what I think of whenever a straight person says this, like we are making tons of money, living in fancy houses, and going on expensive vacations. It is totally ignorant and ridiculous. Is there a HETEROSEXUAL lifestyle? By all means, let me know. And it seems to be the go-to term to describe the LGBTQ+ community. However, I NEVER hear it when referring to straight people. It is rather tired and annoying.
- From the conservative Christians or Christians period: “I love you. Just not your LIFESTYLE.” Again, what lifestyle? And do you know how condescending this is? As if anyone cares whether or not you LOVE us. All we ask is that you do not be condescending or cruel to us or, heaven forbid, hurt us. This implies that you are better than us, and that we should be pitied. You don’t have to “love us.” Just accept us for who we are, and that we most certainly aren’t going anywhere. Oh. And you don’t have to tolerate us either, which brings me to the next one.
- I tolerate your LIFESTYLE or people like you. What are we? Annoying children that must be tolerated? Or perhaps we are your in-laws that must be “tolerated” whenever they come to dinner or come to visit. You have to put up with us?? Well, we’re not the majority. You are. So, who needs to tolerate whom???? Again, VERY condescending.
- The gay bars. Here we go: Now, I remember inviting some of my straight female friends to go with me to the bars wayyyyy back when I first came out. I had one who flat out refused, because she “didn’t want to be seen in such a place.” Hey, that’s cool. Whatever. Over the years, I have certainly had my straight female friends, and even straight male friends, come with. Again, really cool. However, what I have seen over the past decade or so is that it appears to be a “straight invasion” into the queer bars. For God sakes’ WHY? It is nice to have visitors, but damn! You’ve taken over!!! Some people, especially the women, act as if they OWN the joint! I cannot tell you how many times I have witnessed straight women, particularly, coming in and trying to take over! They are loud, rude, and very, very obnoxious! And even “handsy,” if you know what I mean. Keep your bloody hands to yourself! And whenever a great song comes on and I am dancing or another gay man is dancing alone, why do they feel a need to join you without asking for permission? Very annoying. Look at it this way, when you are in your own bars and a straight man comes up and starts dancing with you that you don’t know, how does that make YOU feel? And especially if he starts touching you. Same thing in a gay bar. And heck, there are gay men that I don’t like touching me. So, why would I want a woman to touch me? And please find another venue for your bachelorette parties! I understand you feel comfortable in a gay bar. But you are starting to make us feel UNCOMFORTABLE. Oh and for the record, I am not saying stay out. I am saying BE RESPECTFUL!!! So, don’t even begin to think this is misogynistic in any way. We gay men LOVE our hetero female counterparts. Heck, we ARE you in a lot of ways. But how would you like it if we started coming into your bars and coming onto and being overly friendly with your husbands and boyfriends??? I’ll wait …
- “Is that your preference?” YES! My God!! Is being straight yours???? Why are straight people not asked these insipid questions???? LOL
- One that I am surprised has come up recently is “How do you know you’re ‘that way’ if you haven’t tried it?” Meaning if you’re a lesbian, being with a man or if you’re a gay man, being with a woman. Well, trust me you know!!! How do you know you’re heterosexual if you’ve never been with your same sex? Also, there are PLENTY of gay men and lesbians who have been with the opposite sex and did NOT like it at all. It just didn’t feel right. So, then there’s that.
- Speaking of “that way,” what does that mean to say that someone is “that way?” Which way? Is this a direction? Are we going someplace??
- “You’re gay, so you are not a ‘real man’ or a ‘real woman.'” Hmmm okay, so define what a “real man or real woman” is. I’ll wait. So, is it just based on biology or science or whether or not you can procreate or desire to be with the opposite sex?? Believe you me, I know PLENTY of LGBTQ+ peeps who are more of a “real man or woman” than a lot of heterosexual people I know, because of the fact that they are simply brave enough to be THEMSELVES by facing microaggressions, hate, scorn, ridicule, danger or even death.
- “Why would you want to be ‘that way’ when there are soooooo many women/men out there?” Well, why would you want to be “that way” (str8) when there are sooooo many of your same sex out there to choose from? LOLOL And I guess here is where I have to say it: YOU ARE BORN “THAT WAY!”!
- And that brings us to “You weren’t born that way. God didn’t intend for you to be ‘that way’!” Seems like “that way” comes up a lot, huh? For as long as I can remember, I felt different. Very different. All the other boys around me were looking at the girls, talking about them in a suggestive manner. And I NEVER felt that energy. I was looking at THEM, the boys instead! LOL So, yes, I was born “that way.”
- “The right man/woman can CHANGE you!” Um no. They cannot. A woman would not be able to change me from gay to straight. She doesn’t have the right – um – stuff 😂🌈 Not to mention there is ZERO attraction there. Yes, I think there are sooooo many beautiful women out there, but that is as far as it goes, acknowledging they are pretty or beautiful. But I do not wish to have sex with or be with any of them.
- “I never knew you were gay. You don’t act it.” Or even the opposite. There are sooooo many effeminate-acting men out there who claim they are NOT gay. And I have met many of them, and I don’t think they are. And just for the record, there is NOTHING wrong with “acting gay” or if you’re a lesbian “acting butch.”
- Making assumptions about gay people that are quite frankly stereotypical. In other words, lesbians must LOVE sports or look or act a certain way, and are handy with tools. While gay men LOVE musicals, love fashion, love to shop, and have great fashion sense, oh and can interior decorate like nobody’s business. Just dumb, dumb, DUMB! We all like different things! And can do different things. So, does that mean that straight women can’t be handy with tools or love sports and not have any fashion sense? And believe me, I know plenty of gay men who LOVE sports! I have never liked them, but there are gay men out there who do. And I can’t stand musicals, and I definitely am not a slave to fashion. As a matter of fact, in the spring and summertime, I prefer a T-shirt, shorts, and flipflops wherever I go!!
- No homo by the “bruthas” when they hug you. Ugh!!! So, this implies that gay men find EVERY straight man attractive. And that is definitely a big NO!!! And again, very condescending to make the assumption that even from a simple hug, that we would even want you. Please do NOT flatter yourself. So, every time you hug a straight female, does that mean you want her or vice versa??? Just curious ….
- This is sort of an old one from back in the day, but “Who’s the man and who’s the woman?” WTF???? Do you mean who’s the top and who’s the bottom?? 😂 Okay, first of all, we are both MEN! And with lesbian couples, they are both WOMEN! Enough said. There are no switched gender roles. So sorry to disappoint.
16. And I am going to add one as an actor having played GASP! – gay roles. And I’m throwing Atlanta under the bus, because this is where I heard this garbage. And this has been said by str8 male actors here in Atlanta. “You were playing yourself.” Okay. You homophobic JACKASS! As a str8 actor playing a str8 role, were you playing YOURSELF??????? Again, I’ll wait.
So, those are my 16 personal microaggressions and hateful, prejudiced and ignorant comments seen and heard consistently by the LGBTQ+ community. What are yours? I definitely want to know and how it has affected you personally. Leave me a comment below!
Source/Inspiration:
That is it for today. Thank you so much for listening to my rant. Continue to celebrate PRIDE. Be proud of who you are, and until the next time, please be safe and mentally well! HAPPY PRIDE!! 🌈🌈
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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