Hello again, my dear friends and readers! Welcome back!
Being an adult can truly be a challenge. Duh! I sorta wrote about this before, in my “Being an Adult (Really Sucks)” post. Please see below:
Being a child was not the easiest either. However, there were no bills to pay. No responsibilities except for getting your homework done. And for me, practicing the trumpet. Oh and going to church. LOLOL
But now it is such a chore, bore, and a snore to be an adult, with all of the bills and the taxes and the responsibilities and the trying to get a job and keeping a job, etc., etc. etc.
However, I really want to go underneath the surface of my feelings surrounding being an adult who is now in their – GULP – late 50s!!
Now, I honestly feel very tired as a grownup. I feel everyday has turned into a hamster wheel of the same-old TIRED routine.
I eat the same TIRED food.
I see the same TIRED faces. 😁
I do the same TIRED things.
You get the picture.
And I am sure some of you are saying, “well, perhaps you need to change things up a bit.” “It is up to you to make your life more exciting.”
And you would be correct.
But perhaps the biggest dread of being an adult is our MORTALITY!
Getting older means you are closer to the grave.
Of course, we are all going to die someday. The thing that I have always found distressing is we don’t know the time or the day or the when or the how. I mean, if we came to this world knowing all of that, would we do things differently?
I don’t want this to turn into a post about death, because that is not what I’m really driving at here. It’s just the blah (and anxiety) of adulthood. And that certainly includes dying one day.
And then there is the sheer heaviness of it all, which can be so mentally draining.
There have been times when I have felt unsure, lost and very disconnected from my body. From my life. And just out of place. And disconnected from reality and people. I have felt just weird and strange.
I don’t believe this is depression, because I suppose I refuse to believe that I am depressed. However, this feeling that I have experienced before, I wasn’t sure what to call it until now, the existential dread of being an adult. 😂😂😂
Because I think there is a lot of heaviness, anxiety, and disappointment surrounding adulthood, too.
Sometimes I have felt like a heavy boulder was weighing me down. But why? Is it because I think something is missing in my life?
And this is also where my age comes into play.
I am now 56 years young. And at this stage:
- I ain’t got no man.
- I ain’t got no money.
- I ain’t got no career. 😂🤣
So, I am grappling with all of that, too.
Again, there is the pressure to succeed, to pay the bills, to pay the rent, to keep gas in the car, food on the table – you know, all the shit I described in my previous post on how being an adult really sucks.
But it is also the fact that I don’t have all of the things in my life that I feel I deserve. Yes. DESERVE!! Those items that I listed above.
And it is awful to feel as if you are stuck in mud or trying to pull yourself out of quicksand, and that you don’t have in your life what you truly want.
One of the ways that I have dealt with this feeling, this existential dread is by affirmations. That’s right. You have to be living under a rock if you haven’t heard of affirmations by now. Affirmations or the state of affirming what you want or have, is when you tell yourself POSITIVE things. For example, I used to feel that I couldn’t accomplish something I want, I now tell myself that I can. And I am. I tell myself on a daily basis that I feel good, that I am happy, that I am living in the present moment, that I can handle what comes my way.
This has certainly helped me with that heaviness, that dreaded feeling, the existential dread of being an adult with all of the responsibilities, etc.
And I now just won’t allow life or life circumstances drag me back into that feeling of being stuck in mud. Heck no!
Please check out what I have for you at the Derek Store before exiting!
Thank you so much for stopping by. Please return next week when I finally just come out and admit that I am nothing but a miserable, old prissy Queen!! 😂🤣🤣 And much like Freida Claxton from Golden Girls! 😁😉
So, until then, please be safe and MENTALLY WELL!!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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