Hello, my friends who are fighting whatever mental imbalance you are fighting! Hang in there! So, today I decided to tackle something I honestly don’t have a lot of knowledge or expertise in, but is VERY prevalent and very real for a lot of people – and that is DEPRESSION.
Before I continue, I want to go on the record by stating this post is basically stream of consciousness on my thoughts about the subject of depression. I am by no means an expert on the subject. And by all means, feel free to weigh in and add your thoughts in the comment section below if you are a person who does suffer from depression. Thank you!
I look at depression as being in a very, very sad state. However, I have learned over the years that it is much more than that. I have learned that the difference between sadness and depression is that sadness can be just a short period of time. We all have sad feelings from time to time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean those feelings stay with us. With depression, those feelings stay with us much longer to the point of affecting our everyday lives.
I have been depressed before, because of circumstances or life events or even just life in general. And I do not consider myself to be a depressed person. But there are those who suffer greatly from it to the point of needing medication.
But then there is burnout, something I do have a lot of experience with. And yes, I am absolutely burned out, and I am not talking about a house. I know that feeling only too well, where you are exhausted – mentally and physically.
Perhaps you feel that you cannot go on. I do have all of the motivation to conduct my business, but I feel just blah sometimes. As Lucy Ricardo would say, “I feel like a real slob.” Sometimes I really don’t wish to do a damn thing. Do you ever feel like that? This pandemic has not helped by any stretch of the imagination. This truly sucks!!
To be honest, I don’t feel like going to work now thanks to the hell this pandemic has reigned down upon us, with all of its restrictions and masks and social distancing. And vaccinated and boosted people are still getting sick. I am both vaccinated and boosted. Does that mean I am going to get it (again), too? Now that is VERY depressing!!!!
Now for some deeper dives.
Depression
As I see it, depression, again, is a deep feeling of loss and sadness. It can be brought on by so many factors: Job loss. Loss of a family member or friend through death. The breakup of a relationship or friendship. A move to a new town or place. A pandemic. There are so many things that can make someone depressed.
But what if everything is going well, and you are STILL depressed? I am no doctor, but I believe this is when we get into clinical or chemical depression rather than a cause and effect sort of situation.
However, depression brings up a whole heck of a lot more feelings than just the generic sad feeling. There can be feelings of hopelessness, irritability, or even thoughts of suicide, as well.
My Personal Experience and Bout With Depression
Giving an example from my own life – and there are many on the subject of depression – there was a point in time when I thought I was going to prison. Gasp!! That’s right. PRISON! This was back in 2002, and I am not sure how many people know the story, with the exception of my immediate family. But to cut to the chase, I was let go from my then employment. As revenge, I deleted files from my computer that I had created. Little did I know that that was a federal offense.
I was later arrested and faced charges of criminal trespass, which I had never even heard of. Oh it was a mess! The waiting was torture!! I did fall into a very deep depression. It was the only time when I really didn’t want to eat, and that most certainly is not like me!!! I lost a bunch of weight. I slept a lot. And unfortunately, my personality disorder returned. I dissociated big time! It was awful!!!!!
I agonized for months wondering if I was going to spend the next 10 years in prison. Well, at least I would have had a boyfriend. 😂🤣😍 Fortunately, it all worked out, because $5,000 later to an attorney, I was fortunately able to get out of the charge and even had it expunged from my record. But the depression was very real. And I cannot believe that was 20 years ago.
Burnout
To me, burnout is lacking the energy or motivation to do anything. You just feel tired and lethargic. I would imagine work is, perhaps, the number one source of burnout. And I can see why. Going to the same place everyday – or at least five days out of a week, if you’re lucky. Some people go more than that and work long hours, which can certainly lead to burnout. But going to this place where you don’t want to go in the first place, dealing with people you wouldn’t even piss on let alone be trapped with for eight hours a day or more. I mean, let’s call a spade a spade here, shall we? Anyhoo, putting up with corporate BS from people who don’t have anything better to do with their lives than be a total bitch or bastard at work. Did I nail it or what?
My Own Personal Burnout
My burnout stems from the fact that I am just tired of working. And I really would like to be retired. I am not kidding about that. I know that we all get sick of working, but this pandemic with its restrictions has made me really think about this hard. This year, I am turning 55, and to me that is a nice retirement age – though unrealistic considering I definitely don’t have the funds to do so adequately. Damnit!!!
The Feelings from Both
Depression
- Depressed mood
- Unhappiness
- Lack of motivation
- Fearfulness
- Sleep problems
- Suicidal ideation
- Lack of hope
- Feeling down
- Don’t feel like doing anything
- Feeling extremely fatigued
- Feeling stressed
- Guilty feelings
- Weight loss
(Again, I am not an expert on depression. The above list is a compilation from sources, as well as my own personal experience and thoughts on the matter. I defer to people who really suffer from depression.)
Burnout
- Lack of motivation
- Doing the same thing over and over again with no break
- Not able to relax
- Sleep problems
- Feeling stressed
- Anxiety
- Feeling fatigued
- No fearfulness
- No suicidal ideation
- Typically work-related
- Guilty feelings
- No weight symptoms
I see from the above list (the source listed below), the similarities have to do with feeling guilty, having sleep problems, lack of motivation, feeling stressed, and feeling fatigued.
Where they differ appears to be with regards to weight where with depression there is a potential for weight loss, whereas with burnout that isn’t necessarily the case. Also, there appears to be no suicidal ideation with burnout. And of course, just because someone is depressed, doesn’t necessarily mean they have suicidal thoughts, either.
Also, burnout seems to be more work-related. Though I would argue it could be anything where you are doing the same thing over and over again with no break.
Another difference would be with depression, there may be a prevalence of fear, whereas with burnout that doesn’t appear to be the case.
Okay. I JUST said it to myself after taking a break from working on this post. “I’m tired.” Why am I tired? What am I tired of or from? And am I really tired? The best way for me to answer my own questions is that I feel like I need some sort of a break. I suppose I should explain the reference of me being “tired.” I have to work in about 45 minutes, remotely thankfully. But I don’t want to. It isn’t the Zoom, though I can understand that people are burned out from logging into Zoom. I am not. I feel that this particular job, which isn’t my main job, is tiring mentally in so many ways.
Okay. Let’s unpack this some more. With this particular job, the boss is a bit too micro managey for my taste. Also, I feel shut down whenever I give my opinion. I feel as though I am being told what to say just to keep things “faux positive.” This truly tires me out. There is way too much hand holding, and I don’t care for that at all. So, yes I am tired and perhaps a bit BURNED OUT!!!
But I do not wish to leave on such a negative note. Some tips to help with either burnout or depression:
- Talk to someone about it. It can be a friend who is a good listener or a professional.
- Step away from the problem (if it is burnout).
- Take a walk.
- Listen to music.
- Read.
- My personal favorite BREATHE!
I know that with depression, it isn’t that easy. That is why I strongly urge speaking to a professional. Please follow the link below.
$50 Off Brightside Evidence-based Therapy Your First Month – Find Help Today!
Again, please forgive my rambling and stream of consciousness on the matter. By all means, feel free to disagree with me or tell me your own personal experiences with either depression or burnout in the comment section below.
That is all I have today, my dear friends. So, until the next time, and as always, please be safe and mentally well!!!
Sources:
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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