Welcome back my friends, who are battling some form of mental imbalance!
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!
We are discussing religion, picking back up from Part 1 from last week. See link below:
The Voices Start
NOTE: I am about to dive into some EXTREMELY personal stuff. I have never told anyone else in my life what I am about to reveal – except to medical professionals. So, here we go!
As I began last week, after having joined this cult back in 1985 – United Fellowship of Christians or UFC for short – I began experiencing the strangest thing: I was hearing voices. When I look back upon it, I wonder if I was going through some sort of schizophrenic break. Very possible. For example, whenever I would see a woman, in my head I would call her a bitch. I wouldn’t mean to; it would just pop out!! I wouldn’t say it out loud like Tourette’s Syndrome, thankfully, but I was still absolutely mortified!!! I had always looked upon women as my greatest friends, since I felt such a strong kinship towards them, not romantically, but like … sisters. So, color me surprised when this detestable phenomenon began occurring. It was the beginning of my OCD and intrusive thoughts. And it was about to get worse.
Did I uninentionally blaspheme the Holy Spirit????
In the midst of all of this, my thoughts began to center on a particular song that I really enjoyed, secular of course. The song is a Culture Club song entitled “Dangerous Man.” See part of the lyrics, that my OCD brain focused on, below:
“Martin (meaning Martin Luther King, Jr.) had the Devil just like anyone can. He spoke words they were frightened to mention.“
At the time, it just so happened that we were studying about blasphemy of the Holy Ghost in the Bible and that how if anyone does this, you were damned to hell for eternity. Well, when I thought about how much I loved and sang that song, my brain twisted it into I was blaspheming the Holy Ghost, because a man as reverent and religious as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. did NOT have the Devil. He had God in him. I was so frightened over this that I went to Pastor G for help and guidance. He assured me that was not what I was doing. But it really bothered me to think that.
So, the blaspheming thing was settled, but my mind continued to call women bitches, which sent me further into a tailspin.
I got to a point where I couldn’t even look at women for fear that these awful thoughts would pop into my mind. Much like today with the bisexual OCD, which I will be discussing at length coming up.
My Family Becomes Annoyed With My Christian Conversion
And as if all of the above wasn’t bad enough, over time even my own family got sick and tired of me being so religious.
I would come home on break and preach to them about what they watched on TV and what music they listened to. (It’s a wonder I didn’t talk about the food they ate!!) And if you can imagine, that didn’t sit too well with ANY of them!!! Especially my grandmother who sort of set this whole thing in motion to begin with. When I began preaching to her against watching soap operas, she basically let me have it LOLOL And rightfully so!
It got so bad that everyone in the family began to say that this church was taking advantage of me and Big Daddy, and that we were being brainwashed. And that they were taking our money (yes, I was tithing my 10%). They were now “preaching to me” that this church was not good for me and to find someplace else to go!!
I believe I also began to question whether they were real Christians since they didn’t seem to be as “strict” and as in line with “the Word” as this particular church. I think this was the absolute last straw for them. They were now preaching to me to leave this church – IMMEDIATELY!!
They weren’t the only ones. Other close friends of mine at the time began telling me the same thing, particularly Teresa. As a matter of fact, she and some of her witch cronies accosted me over religion. And I didn’t appreciate that to say the least. But I digress …
At one point, I even tried to convert my Jewish friend, Becca, to Christianity! LOLOL When I look back upon this period of my life, I was truly obnoxious. I mean more so than usual 😉
The Entrance of From Luxury to Heartache
Oh but wait. Sometime in the Fall of 1986, Culture Club released their From Luxury to Heartache album. And I just had to have a listen. At the same time, Culture Club appeared on an episode of The A-Team entitled “Cowboy George.” Well, I just had to see the episode, too, which I did. In secret. And I just had to buy the cassette, especially since in the episode, Culture Club debuted two new singles: “God Thank you Woman” and a single they had already released entitled “Move Away.” And both were HOT!!!!
To show you just how sick I was, I would buy the cassette (from Record Bar — yasssss!!!), listen to it in secret – (Big Daddy mustn’t find out!) and then I would feel so guilty that I would snip it up and throw it away. And repeat the process, because I loved the cassette so damn much!! It was soooooo good! Some of their best work since Colour By Numbers! So, why WOULDN’T I want to have it????
Big Daddy Trades Church Sunday for Basketball Sunday
After nearly two years of this insanity, Big Daddy began to not go as much, which was totally a surprise. Mr. “I’m going to live right from now on.” He traded in all of those Sunday services for Carolina Tarheel basketball Sundays as some of the games conflicted with church. Can’t say I blame him. During all of this time, we tried to make all of the UNC basketball home games. As I recall some were on Sundays. The football games we always made since they were all on Saturday. Funny how sports was okay with God but not secular music and television programs. Hmmmm 🤔
It was also around this time that Big Daddy started hanging around different friends who were NOT a part of our church or any church for that matter. I remember one such character whom we shall call Teddy. Teddy would come to our room and hang out. There were even a couple of times I would come home to find him sprawled out on my bed, which I didn’t like.
Big Daddy began to slowly but surely pull away from the church and do his own thing. Again, I can’t say I blame him. I think it was all wearing thin for him. But I felt stuck, because at this point I was so knee deep into the hoopla that I had even started going to morning prayer at 6 fricking o’clock in the fricking morning!! And I had long since been a member of the praise band, switching back and forth between trumpet and clarinet. I was REALLY stuck.
It All Falls Apart and Comes Tumbling Down
So, after two years of this nonsense, I realized I had had enough. I had had enough of Big Daddy and his bullshit. (There were other problems, too, believe me – such as him coveting my belongings and food!!) I had had enough of that church. And I had even had enough of pursuing my major, which was pharmacy.
So, the first thing was I decided I did not want to live with Big Daddy any longer. So, when it came down to choosing housing situations, I applied for a single room. I wanted to live alone, which I should have stuck to all these years, but THAT is another story!
Big Daddy didn’t seem to balk at the idea. As a matter of fact, I think he wanted to move in with his new sports buddy Teddy, and I think they did.
I ended up moving clear across to the other side of campus in a single room in Old West, the northern part of the campus this time. Far, far away from Morrison, and that church, and the madness I had endured for the past two years.
I even changed my major from pharmacy to music education.
Mass Exodus
In the beginning of the new school year, back in the Fall of 1987, I decided to attend a back-to-school party that my old dorm Morrison was throwing. So, I was able to visit with Big Daddy and Teresa, who both still remained there. When visiting Big Daddy, the subject of the church came up, and Big Daddy told me that he wasn’t going back. Not only that but his sister Betty and her friend and a couple of other people weren’t either. I was shocked, to say the least. Not so much with Big Daddy since he was practically absent most of the previous year. But Betty was a shocker.
I told Teresa the news, and she was elated to hear that, to say the least.
So, no more of that church. No more cult. No more pharmacy as a major. But a new major instead, music education.
And that is the end of this particular story. Needless to say, the next two years at Carolina were MUCH freerer and a helluva lot more fun. But then again, in the fall of 1989 I came out, but you already know that part of the story. 😉
Oh and I continued my love of secular music. ❤️😂 And yes. I bought back my cassettes and tapes!!!
That will do it for this time. But I will be back with a Part 3 of religion. Because don’t just listen to my story or the bad side. Let’s hear some good.
And always, remember if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:
That’s it for now. So, until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
