Hi, It’s me. Stan. Ha! Kidding! Hope some of you got my Golden Girls reference. 😂
At any rate, welcome back to another mental health journey by yours truly. Today’s topic is labeling people and how toxic that is!!!
It is one thing when I label myself something, i.e. – Sexy. Gorgeous. Hot. Deranged. Stupid. Silly. Talented. And the list could go on and on and on . (And, of course, it goes without saying that labeling YOURSELF in a NEGATIVE way is VERY toxic and not helpful to your mental health.)
But when someone else does it, it is unbelievably horrible and not at all helpful, and can cause serious damage to the person being labelled.
Why I’m Writing this Post
Please allow me to give you an example from my own recent personal experience, and what got me thinking on this subject. And therefore, my decision to put my thoughts into a post:
Earlier this year, I was at a social gathering of about five people, all gay men (trouble right there), myself included. The evening started off “light and airy.” Until stupid me (I just labelled myself!) started going down a rabbit hole of personal stuff and opinions. Part of the subject was music and to be honest, I don’t remember the rest.
However, at the end of the evening, one particular person labelled me as being “bitter” and that “I needed to let it go,” (a phrase I HATE!), whatever it was that I was supposed to let go, which I am not even quite clear on that. And I am not even sure this person was clear on what I needed to “let go.”
I was taken aback, because for one, I was not in any way, shape or form trying to make it about me. But apparently this person, I suppose, took it that way and proceeded to offer me this unsolicited advice.
I know that when I tell a story, I can become VERY passionate and appear to be angry, which is not my intent at all. And I suppose this is how I came across that evening at this little gathering, when I was actually trying to be dramatic and funny. More labels.
Regardless, the damage had already been done.
So, I started thinking about my dear friend Charles, whom I blogged about in a previous post. Please see below:
And how he drilled into my head over and over and over again to keep things “light and airy.” But I just wouldn’t listen, thinking I could share myself with others. But sadly, you cannot with everyone.
Anyway, on this particular dark night of the soul, I felt unfairly labelled and judged And how it made me feel.
It didn’t make me feel bad about myself, no. It made me feel very, very angry. Angry with this person and yes, angry with myself for not “keeping it light and airy.” Because how dare anyone do that. And I know what some of you may be thinking: LET IT GO! Who cares what this person or others think? Etc.
Well, it does matter to the extent that WE ALL DO IT – we label people unjustly! And it needs to stop!
The Bitter Angry Bitch of Atlanta
So, that night I dubbed myself the Bitter Angry Bitch of Atlanta (as a joke), much like how Reva Shayne from Guiding Light stripped down next to nothing, stepped in that pool, and dubbed herself the “Slut of Springfield!” LOLOL
My childhood labels
From a LinkedIn article by Leigh Aguirre.
“Labels from childhood might affect future potential and how we see ourselves. Negative labels can stem from trauma at any point in your life. After leaving an abusive relationship, you might carry the names you were called and believe you are unworthy or damaged.”
Please see the full article at the end of this post.
- Sissy. Faggot. Punk. (my labels from childhood from other children).
- Smart.
- Gifted.
- Hard headed. (from childhood and mostly from my grandmother and aunt.)
- Lazy. (from my grandfather when I was a child. His exact words were “you’re going to grow up to be sorry.”)
These negative labels cut me to the core and caused severe damage to my self-esteem and self worth. I definitely felt unloved and unworthy and that I did something wrong. And that I was bad.
My adult labels
- Mean.
- A bitch.
- A mean bitch LOLOL
- Angry.
- Bitter.
- Dramatic.
- Emotional.
So according to these people, that is all there is to me: Being angry, bitter, dramatic, emotional, etc. Apparently, these things are at my heart and soul and core and center of me as a person, according to them.
And I don’t know what was worse, the childhood ones or the ones above.
And I am here to tell you these labels hurt, with the exception of the smart and gifted thingy LOLOL
Even the “positive” labels can backfire
But even being labelled something good can backfire when you always believe that you are that positive label – i.e., the smartest or the prettiest or the best at something, and then someone comes along who is SMARTER or PRETTIER, etc.
For example, with me being labelled smart, I thought that I could just coast through college. But it definitely didn’t work out that way. Or thinking of yourself as being the best because people always told you that. For me, it was the trumpet. Well, as you find in life, there are a WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE who are just as good, if not so much better, at things than you are!!!
We All Place Labels on Things and People!
I suppose we cannot help but place labels on things and people. We have all done it and since the beginning of time. So and so is:
- Beautiful.
- A hard worker.
- Mentally challenged.
- Ugly.
- Smart.
- Kind.
- Fat.
- Too thin.
- Mean.
But are these labels fair or even necessary? Or even true?
And how many times have you and I judged a book by its cover?:
- We see a person with a lot of tattoos or piercings, and we assume that they are heavily into drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Or that they are the members of a gang. Or just flat out mean.
- We see obese people and assume that they eat a lot or that they are very lazy.
- We see an effeminate male and we assume that they are gay. But what if they are gay? Then we assume they are weak. Or that they love fashion. Interior decorating. Or musicals. I am not into any of those things, and I am definitely gay.
- We see a goth person, you know, someone dressed in all black, and we assume that they are depressed or mean or evil or worship the Devil.
- Or a woman who wears tight, revealing clothing with plenty of cleavage – she must be easy, a tramp, a whore.
I think you get the point.
It is rather unhealthy to label people when you do NOT know their story or their history or their reasons why. Or who they really are. As human beings (earth things), we are not ALWAYS one thing or another or one way or another.
The same with feelings and emotions. We don’t always feel the same emotionally. We all can change like a fart in the wind. But according to society, you mustn’t be angry. You mustn’t show weakness or vulnerability. You mustn’t show any emotions whatsoever. OMG you are so “emotional” or “dramatic!” Again, this is soooooooooo unhealthy to label people in such an unfair fashion!! Toxicity at its highest!
Wouldn’t it be better to say, “you are ACTING – insert label here”? In my opinion, you are labeling the BEHAVIOUR not the PERSON.
But I also realize that labeling people makes other people feel better. About themselves. Because they don’t have to take responsibility for their OWN behaviour. And understandably, we wish to be around people who make us feel comfortable. In other words, I don’t wish to be around someone who appears to be gay, because that makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean, what if they come on to me? Or embarrass ME somehow? You get the picture.
Oh and to show that I am not even bitter or angry writing this post, I am currently jamming to this as I type:
Because things WILL get better. I always have hope of that.
Okay. Enough of the musical interlude. 😂
Anyway, as I like to end every post, if you feel that you cannot cope with your mental health issues, there is hope. Please click on the link below. Help is on the way in the form of online therapy, which means you don’t even have to leave your house. 👌😊
In closing, do yourself a favor and before you judge a book by its cover or label someone unjustly, think they are human just like you and me, and that we don’t know the whole story. And perhaps you should ask before you judge.
Also, to those of you who have been unjustly labelled and judged just because, continue to be the fabulous you, that you are. Everyone else can and WILL adjust. Or simply – as I am told – they can get over it. Ha!
That will do it for now. Until the next time, please be mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
