Welcome back my dearest friends! I hope all is well with everyone.
TRIGGER WARNING!!!
Today we are REALLY going there. So, be prepared. You may or may not like what I have to say on the subject. So, hang on!
For many, religion is a source of comfort. And yet, for many, religion is a source of scorn and ridicule.
For others, religion is the source of some of their deepest pain.
For some, religion is simply a joke. And yet, for some religion is the only thing they have to get them through.
Everywhere you turn there is religion. It is either displayed in what people wear or in what they say or what we see in the media and/or on television.
And religion is not just about a church. Or a synagogue. Or a mosque or a temple. To a lot of people, religion is a way of life.
I dare say there isn’t a person alive – or at least that I know of – who hasn’t been touched in some way, fashion or form by religion.
But as the topic title suggests, is religion actually helpful or harmful? Can it actually be detrimental to our overall mental health? Let’s do a deep dive, starting with my own personal experiences with religion.
My Personal Story with Ye Olde Religion
As stated in my most recent blog post, from day one of my life almost, I was affected by religion. And not in the most positive of ways. Check out that blog post below:
In summary, I wrote about how when I was just a wee lad, I cracked open The Bible, turned to the end, and read parts of Revelations. We’ve all done it if you were raised in the Christian faith. But anyway, I was absolutely HORRIFIED, not to mention terrified by what I read in there. OMG!!! The End of the World, Armageddon, The Lake of Fire, etc., etc., etc. I was scared to death!! One could say that was my first experience with religion. And my OCD, which of course I didn’t know I had at the time, was immediately TRIGGERED and off to the races.
So, fear was the underlying theme for me where religion is concerned. And that is NOT a good thing for anyone’s mental wellbeing. But moving on …
Afterward, it was off to church EVERY Sunday, not because I wanted to and enjoyed it. But because of my family. My Grandmother’s speech from time to time was “as long as you live in this house, you are going to church.” And so, I did.
On occasion, she also stated rather emphatically, if I was disobedient “that the Lord is going to shorten your days!”
At our church, the 1st and 3rd Sundays were just Sunday School. So, my aunt and I would come home around 11:30 a.m., while Granddaddy and Grandmommy stayed for services to listen to the associate pastor preach.
On the 2nd and 4th Sundays, we had to stay for church services to hear the main pastor of our church, which of course meant we were practically there all day!! To be brutally and utterly transparent, I was ALWAYS BORED out of my skull (not to mention HUNGRY)! That is until the spirit hit the ladies of our church, and they would jump up and down, titties bouncing. I always laughed at that. No offense to anyone. I did think it was rather amusing, though.
The Religion in My Life Takes a Decidely Dark Turn
So. My grisly little tale continues in the Fall of 1985, when I went off to The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill to begin my freshman year of college. I had just graduated from low (high) school back on June 7, 1985, and was EXTREMELY excited to begin my new life away from home. I felt so grown up at this time.
To add the cherry on top of the proverbial sundae, I was attending UNC with seven of my fellow graduates from high school, people I had grown up with and some of whom I had started with back in elementary school. One of those friends I ended up rooming with, someone I will refer to as “Big Daddy.” (I started calling him that because of The Benny Hill Show, which we both absolutely were nuts over! It was very popular back when we were in junior high, so popular that we even played the theme in the 9th grade band!)
But I digress.
Big Daddy and I settled into our cramped little dorm room in Morrison on the Southside of campus, initially with a third roommate. This guy ended up in bunk beds with Big Daddy. Fortunately, after just a few weeks, he was gone, and I was left with my best friend in the whole wide world, Big Daddy. You may throw up now. 🤣
Things started off pretty good, that is until a return home for Fall Break. A bit of backstory: Big Daddy’s sister, whom I shall call Betty, was one year ahead of us in school. Betty also attended UNC, and this would have been her sophomore year.
You see, my family and Big Daddy and Betty’s family rode together to and from UNC. In OUR car, mind you. And as we were getting ready to leave to return to UNC, my grandmother brought up the subject of church. OMG what did she do that for? She wanted to make sure that since I was “raised in the church,” that I continue to go to church. And that is when Betty piped up and said that I could attend with her. As a matter of fact, both Big Daddy and I could.
So, when we returned to school, that following Sunday, me and Big Daddy went to church right along with Betty. The name of the church was called United Fellowship of Christians or UFC for short.
The first time was the strangest experience I have ever had in a church. It was so … weird. I could tell right off the bat that it was one of those holyroller places. It was actually nothing like my home church, which I realized after this storyline, that I appreciated just how … well, boring and free my church actually was.
Anyhoo, I remember vividly at the end of the service, that the pastor – whom I shall refer to as Pastor Greg, Pastor G for short – asked everyone to close their eyes. He proceeded to ask if we were to die, where did we think we would spend eternity – in heaven. Or hell. If you felt that you were heavenbound, raise your hand. Now put your hands down. If you were unsure or thought you were going to hell, to raise your hand. Okay, put your hands down. I’m pretty sure I raised my hand on the heaven part. But heck, I wasn’t even sure about where I was going. LOL I didn’t think about it. I didn’t care. I was only 18 at the time.
Well, he asked us to open our eyes and for those who had raised their hands and felt they were going to hell, to come up front for him to pray over. Color me shocked when I saw Big Daddy’s large form get up and head for the front!!!!!
I remember thinking ‘what is he doing?’
Pastor G prayed over him and the others who stood before him. Then church was over. Afterward, Betty introduced me and Big Daddy to some of her church friends. Big Daddy received pamphlets and such from other members of the church. And that was that, and we left. Big Daddy and I went to have vittles at one of the campus dining halls. As we were getting our food, I remember he distinctly said something that sort of chilled me to the bone:
“I’m going to start living right from now on.”
I don’t remember my response to that, but I could sense that something changed in him and was about to change between us. Or some big change was coming. Boy, I had no idea just how big.
Derek’s FIRST Descent into Madness
So. I did as my grandmother had instructed; I attended this stupid church. But I went through hell because of it. No pun intended. Let me just fast track and cut to the chase. I mostly did it not just because of or for Costella, my Grandmother, but because Big Daddy did it. And I wanted so desperately then to fit in, even at the cost of my mental health. Back then everything he did, I did. And I feel there should be a blog post on that alone!
The first thing that occurred was Pastor G saying that ALL secular music and TV shows were of the Devil and that we should be listening to Christian music and watching Christian television programs. So, that meant all those years of Dynasty that me and Costella shared were suddenly OUT! (Fine with me over Dynasty, because I think it was around this time of the horrid Moldavian plot. Oy! It SUCKED!)
That is also when I started snipping all – and I do mean ALL -of my cassette tapes that I had amassed starting in junior high and throwing them all into the trash!!!!!! That one REALLY hurt!!!
It didn’t take long for me to be totally and completely sucked into this “cult.” That is exactly what I refer to it now.
Sure I could have left at any point in time, but because Big Daddy was involved, I felt I had to be in order to preserve our friendship and roommate status. I was absolutely brainwashed!!
And then the voices started …
And I am going to stop here, because I feel this is a good ending for Part 1, a cliffhanger! 😉
So, stayed tuned for Part 2 next week!!
But please don’t suffer the way I did. If you feel you cannot cope or handle whatever you are going through, please seek help from a professional. Click on the link below.
I shall see you all the next time!! Be safe and mentally well, as always!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
