December 2022 - Derek Writes

Merry After Christmas/The Holidays/Post Season’s Greetings/Post Whatever you celebrate or don’t celebrate, etc. etc. etc.

I do hope you are all well during this time, that you are healthy and happy and doing your very best to survive.

Today’s topic – taking a break from social media, and the benefits behind it.

I decided over a month ago, that I was going to take a break from Social Murder. You know it as Social Media. LOLOL

I call it Social “Murder” because it seems to do just that, murder any chance of actually being social. To me social means carrying on conversations with each other, not plastering your life all over the place to get likes and emotional reactions.

I decided to take a break, because I was feeling icky over the whole thing. And yes, I was getting bitter over seeing everyone else go on vacations (mind you, I was in Europe in the Spring! 🤣🤣🤣) or get in a new relationship or a new job.

And also, it had gotten boring. I was seeing the same old shit. And I was posting the same old shit.

It was tiring and duller than watching a reality TV show. Yeah. I said it.

It is so easy to get caught up in the social media thing by either posting or simply scrolling through all the pictures and the likes and the posts of your so-called friends (I mean, are they really your friends if they simply depend on your likes?).

In taking my break, I learned a lot about myself. One thing I learned is that I don’t actually need it or really care what goes on in the lives of everyone on a daily basis, unless they are close friends. And even then I don’t need to know and see everything. I don’t want anything bad to happen to anyone. However, must I have everyone’s life shoved down my throat at every turn?

I mean, what did we do before social media? Did we not see each other in REAL time rather than on a platform that is potentially designed to breed jealousy and bad feelings towards others and yourself for not living up to the fake scenarios and standards we see on a Facebook? Let’s face it, all that glitters is not gold.

And if anyone says that they don’t feel the slightest bit or twinge of jealousy when they see something really wonderful happening to someone else on social media, they would be lying. I feel it from time to time, not gonna lie.

It’s natural. I can feel that twinge, that jab to the gut and yet still be deliriously happy for my friends at the same time. I jokingly say I hate you right now, but I am so exquisitely happy for you. Of course, I don’t really hate someone for having something great happen to them.

But I was starting my morning on Facebook as soon as I woke up, trying to see what I missed, reading the “news feed” like the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

What’s going on? Who did what to whom? Whose life is falling apart? Who got married? Had a new baby? Moved away? Who’s in the hospital? Got a new job? Whose relationship status changed from single to complicated?

By the way, I was also ending my night the same way – all the scrolling before bed.

It was damaging my mental wellbeing.

I was on sensory overload. It was overwhelming, and definitely not in a good way. Going to Disney World and being “overwhelmed” by ‘okay, which ride do I ride first?’ is normal and a good overwhelm. You are like a kid in a candy store.

Social murder, though, not so much.

One other thing I must share, too, is the negative comments and even fights I would engage in with people on Facebook, ON MY OWN WALL!! People who do not engage with you EVER until you post something they disagree with. They don’t even wish you a Happy Birthday, yet they can disagree with you on something you have posted. And I know we have all experienced that one!

And so I blocked and/or unfriended them, because I will do it in a hot North Carolina minute!! Who needs that kind of negativity?

Who needs fake friends in an already toxic environment?

And let’s not even go there over politics on social media! Ugh! No place for it, imo.

But during my break I rediscovered myself. I rediscovered that I was just as valuable a person whether I had good things happening to me all the time or not. Or better yet, whether I posted about those good things or not.

I realized I am still worthy of good fortune, and that I am not less than because I don’t post happy pictures all the time of what is going on in my life.

Not being bothered with trying to keep up with everyone’s life has been so damn refreshing. I can tell you that there has been a peace that has come over me as opposed to before when I was trolling Facebook and other social media.

What do people get out of treating other people’s lives as news? Who CARES??????!!!

I have heard many times how people love to live vicariously through others. How absolutely pathetic! You have a life of your very own. So, try living vicariously through your own life. How about using that Facebook time to do things for yourself, WITHOUT feeling a need to “share” with the rest of the world?

And here is what has been filling up my time:

Watching more YouTube LOL Heck, is that any better?? LOLOL
Cooking more. I LOVE to cook!
Reading more interesting articles online.
Formulating a plan for the rest of my life.
Discovering that there are things I wish to try. Suddenly, I want to learn the violin!
I know COVID is still a bear, but I want to go to festivals and symphonies and other outings I wouldn’t normally do.
And yes, writing more. I have the concept for two new screenplays that actually have to do with social media. Stay tuned.

It has all been very productive. And again, I don’t miss social media.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll take more breaks from it. Or stay off it altogether … 🤔

Check out this song by Pet Shop Boys on the subject. Very telling.

It isn’t easy out there keeping up with the Joneses, as they say, on social media. But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it for this week, my friends. Come back next week when I discuss what does a New Year really mean to you.

Until then take care and be well! AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023!!!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Greetngs my friends! I hope all is well with you as we slide deeper into the holiday season, which can be a post in and of itself! 😊😉

Be forewarned: This may actually be more of a spiritual (not religious) post rather than a mental health one. But it is all good.

And as such, I am NOT pushing any spiritual or religious beliefs on anyone. We all believe what we believe, and that is definitely okay.

All right. So. Slight beginning rant. I have ALWAYS HATED it when someone tells me that I need to let something go. First of all, you don’t know me and my emotional needs. So, how dare you say that to me? I can say it to myself, but somebody else saying that to me actually irks me. It’s like I can talk about my mama, but you can’t -kind of thing.

And what does that even mean, letting go? Let it go. Let something go. For one, I think it depends on what that something is. As far as mental health issues are concerned, it is easier said than done to let it go. Some issues are extremely deep rooted and harder to “let go” than others.

And what are we letting go? Bitter feelings? Negative emotions? Negative feelings? A person? People? What people think? A job? A difficult circumstance? The past? A love relationship? Family? Bad memories? Stuck patterns? Outdated belief systems? Fear? Worry? Neediness? Dependence on others?

Phew. What a list! And as you can see, “letting go” of some of that stuff is, again, easier said than done.

I think when most people say to “let something go,” I think they mean letting go of the past. And they would be correct on that one. Don’t dwell on the NEGATIVE past, as I like to say. It keeps you stuck and in pain, and angry. I oughta know. Overall, that isn’t good for your mental or physical health. (And people don’t bother to tell you that part either.) Focus on the things that make you happy here in the present.

And again, NO ONE tells you that part either. They just tell you to “let it go” without any instruction or tips on how to do that. That’s why when you tell someone to let it go, then you had bloody well be prepared to follow through on running your mouth, especially if it has NOTHING to do with you personally, and give them advice on how to “let something go.”

And by the way, I think it is okay to have fond memories of a happier past. Sadly, we can’t just live there anymore.

Secondly, HOW do you let something go? Let’s be honest, as stated above, the people who say that shit, aren’t giving you not the first idea as to how to let that thing you are supposed to let go, go. (Did you get that?) 😊🤣😂

It’s just word salad to them.

So, let’s figure out this letting go thing together.

One thing I have learned more and more about letting go is actually surrendering whatever your thing is. Or simply surrendering period. It is not giving up, actually. To me it is allowing a space of peace to come inside of you as you release your whatever it is you are letting go. I like to call it rising above and moving forward.

As a matter of fact, I have other alternatives or word choices than just the bland “let it go” crap.

Move forward.

Releasing.

Rise above.

Elevate.

Move (or elevate) to a higher consciousness.

Detaching.

I prefer rising above and moving forward as opposed to letting go. Because at the end of the day, what it is that is bugging you, bothering you, ESPECIALLY if it has something to do with the past, you don’t have a choice but to move forward.

Another way of letting go or surrendering or moving forward is to just stop trying so hard, especially if it is something that you want really badly. Like money. Or a relationship. Or a new job. No one is saying don’t put forth the effort, but you can’t let it be a stranglehold around your neck, choking you.

I also believe in no longer waiting on something or someone. This goes back to detaching. This is another way to “let go” or surrender.

And this is where I am going to bring in the Universe.

How many of us have read and/or heard about just letting go and letting the Universe? Or letting go and letting God? But what does that really mean?

I look at it as resting. Just stop. Just be. Put whatever your intention is out there to God or YOUR Higher Power or the Universe or Your Loving Spiritual Companion – whatever you wish to call it. Hell, I actually like Cosmic Santa Claus LOLOL.

And keeping in mind, there are people who do not even believe in a God or a Higher Power. And that is definitely okay, too.

At any rate, you don’t do anything. Obviously, if it is something that requires you putting in the work, then you must do that. For example, you have a big test coming up. Well, you must study. You can’t just go into the exam cold without having done that. That isn’t how the Universe works.

But then there are also things that are out of our control, such as someone’s illness. In that case you don’t have a choice but to surrender the outcome to the above entities mentioned above. Or surrender period.

Now. Let’s talk money. Show me the money, honey. This is and has been my biggest challenge as an adult. Not having money. Having money and foolishly spending it. Waiting for money, i.e. waiting to be paid. Wishing for money. Wishing I had MORE money. I think you get the picture.

So, I have finally decided to “let go” of money. Or at least I am trying very hard to. What do I mean? I am not going to allow it to control me. I am going to put in the work to have the money through my jobs, work, etc. But I am also setting an intention that I want to make $5,000 a month, net. I want to also be paid weekly as one of my income streams. Again, I am putting in the work to achieve these goals, but after that I am letting the Universe do its thing. I am not going to worry about it any longer. I am not going to force anything.

Which brings me to another point. Forcing the outcome.

I have been reading about how forcing the outcome or appearing desperate to the Universe does no good. The Universe will only see it that way, and you will actually keep yourself from getting what you want. You will actually end up blocking yourself from getting what you truly want. So, you gotta relax. Remember the pic above of the little boy just chillin’ in the middle of the leaves? Yeah. That. 😉

For me, it is some of the above, PLUS letting go of relationships and money and people. Just detaching and rising above the neediness and the waiting and the longing for something good to happen to me.

In summation, if all else fails, just focus on something else. Something that makes you happy if you are still struggling to “let something go.” Immersing yourself into a project or a new job or doing outreach work or volunteering, works wonders. And it is nothing new to “throw yourself into” something else to get your mind off your troubles, as they say. 😊

We have talked a lot about spiritual things today and about letting go. However, as stated above “letting go” is a lot easier said than done. That is why if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it for this week. Come back when I deep dive into feeling abandoned by your own family and its effects on you mentally and emotionally. Until then, and as always, be safe and mentally well.

Sources:

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.