Hi friends! I am actually back with another post. Three days in a row is a record for me, but I LOVE IT!!!
As promised, I was going to tell the recent dream where my father tried to murder me. Yes, you heard right. Murder. Me. And it wasn’t the first time that I have dreamt he has tried to kill me or I have tried to kill him. And again, these are JUST DREAMS. To be honest, mostly I have dreamt that I am trying to kill him.
So, let’s back up a bit. You are probably asking – ‘now WHY are you dreaming or have dreamt that you have tried to kill your father and vice versa?’ Well, to be honest, it is because me and my father have NEVER gotten along. To say that we have been at war with each other ALL MY LIFE is an understatement. And I am 53 years YOUNG! HA! One could say that our relationship has gotten “better.” And in a lot of ways, I suppose it has. But he still has a way of pushing my buttons and vice versa. I learned a long time ago not to be on the phone with him no more than 15 minutes just to ensure that an argument will not start. As a matter of fact, I have made it a point to not call or talk to him at all. You heard me right. I let him call me. If I call him, it is on his birthday or holiday time. Also, when I visit my family there in D.C., I tread carefully with him. We can go almost a week without a fight, but the last time I was there, which was Christmas 2019, the very last day I was there we got into it. And I even tried to walk away! Actually, literally maybe an hour before I left, we got into a rather vicious fight, with him “stepping” towards me like he was going to hit me. Well, needless to say I just stood there, which I think angered him even more. LOL
So, that is a bit of the background. Now on to the dream.
I don’t remember WHERE we were, but I want to say it was our old apartment from WAY back in the day, the apartment I lived in with them when we lived together as a family. (Again, my grandparents and aunt in North Carolina raised me.) I lived with my parents from about 1968 to 1972, when I went to live with my grandparents and aunt. So, I have not lived with them since 1972, just a return every summer as I was growing up and holidays now.
But I digress. In the dream, it was just me and my father in the apartment alone. I walk up the long stairway, turn to the right, and there is the apartment. I walk through the door, and he is waiting for me. With a knife. He comes at me with said knife, and I am able to telekinetically throw him across the room and disarm him. But then he suddenly has a gun, which he quickly fires. However, I am able to clasp my arms in front of me and deflect the bullets. (I learned that trick in an episode of Wonder Woman from the 70s, where she taught it to the girl from Islandia, and I have used it in my dreams ever since. Not. Kidding. LOL) Yes, I have all kinds of special powers in my dreams. If only it was real.
But I deflect the bullets. Now, it is my turn to go after him. I throw him around the room repeatedly. And I am not sure, but I think I ended up killing HIM. But I think you get the overall gist of the dream.
So, let’s tie in some mental health here. Now, let me explain that for some reason lately, I have been having dreams where I have been fighting with my immediate family members: My father, my aunt, and even my mother, whom I have NEVER really argued with. But that dream was more comical and silly than anything. However, my aunt and my father -OMG! WORLD WAR III!!! The fights I have had with the two of them. My aunt and I do NOT fight anymore. As a matter of fact, thankfully, it has been at least THREE decades since we have fought. Maybe a little longer. But when I lived there in Wadesboro with her growing up, it was awful. So, yeah I haven’t fought with her since my 20s. I must say she has truly mellowed over time. As a matter of fact, I am going to admit that there were times as a kid when I really HATED her. And my grandmother. And my grandfather. The household I grew up in was toxic. VERY toxic. So, many secrets. So, many lies. So, much anger and hate. And then add my father to the mix. Well, he was raised by the same people I was raised with. So, that would explain a lot of it.
I think some of that residual anger must still be there buried deep down, which actually surprises me considering I forgave my grandmother and my aunt a LONG time ago. And to an extent even my father and grandfather. I don’t know if it is coming up now because of the pandemic and we are all, for the most part, still isolated. I honestly do not feel any resentment to my aunt and my grandmother. As a matter of fact, I still miss my grandmother who has been dead since 1998!
My father and grandfather, well, that is a different story LOL I know I am still a little angry with them both. Not as bad as it used to be, but I know it is there. And sometimes I have dreams about my family where there is no fighting or anger or no one trying to kill each other.
I mean, was all the anger with my family resolved completely? Will I still always feel this way? Better yet, will I continue to dream about it? Because consciously, I don’t feel angry with my father, grandfather, aunt or grandmother. (I will have to leave my mother and brother out of this, because we don’t fight. Or rather I have never felt resentment towards them.) So, there is SUBconsciously. Maybe I still do. Something to ponder. Maybe even something to continue to work through …
Anyway, thank you my friends! Stay tuned for another post coming up. In the meantime, take care of yourselves!
