Welcome back, my dear readers and friends!
WARNING: Today’s post is NOT intended to be a nice one, but definitely an honest one.
I STILL hold grudges. There. I said it. I most certainly do, and I am not going to lie about it or keep it to myself any longer.
People are always saying “let it go.” And I don’t think they even know what that really means or how to actually let something go. Easier said than done, especially if even when you think about someone who hurt you or did you wrong DECADES ago, and the same feelings of bile, vitriol, and even hate, bubble up to the surface.
Oh and I even wrote a post about the whole letting go thing. Check it out below.
So, I don’t want to hear “Derek, just let it go? What good does it do you to hold onto it?” And my personal favorite, “you need to forgive so-and-so for such-and-such.”
First of all, there is no such word as forgiveness in the Taurus vocabulary!! 😂🤣♉🐂
I honestly think tossing around the word “forgiveness” is so overused. I understand what people mean by it, but I think what they really mean is to move on from the hurt. Now, THAT is something I can relate to. I do not sit around thinking about all the hurts perpetuated upon me my entire life or the people who committed the acts of pain in my life. I keep myself rather busy with my blog, for instance, and other wonderful things in my life.
Secondly, let me explain my position.
If you do something to me, and it hurt me, and then I tell you about it and/or you realize you did something wrong where am I concerned, and you actually apologize SINCERELY – then you stand a much better chance of forgiveness from me. And yes, I have forgiven people before and moved on, and even remained friends. There are also people that I did forgive WITHOUT them acknowledging their wrong, etc. Those types of forgivenesses – is that a word 😂 are only reserved for family, mostly.
And forgiving to me means you are overlooking what someone did. And I don’t believe in that. I believe in actually moving FORWARD and not THINKING about the person and the injustice. I also make a mental note of that person and tell myself “okay. THAT’S how they REALLY are. I do not wish to be involved with them anymore.”
But no, you ain’t getting a forgiveness from me, unless a couple of the above conditions exist, i.e. a sincere apology. And we all know how earth things are about apologies.
You shouldn’t have done or said what you did in the first place. I don’t do it or try not to, and when I realize I was wrong, I (underline I) apologize.
And yes, we are all humans and we can unintentionally hurt one another. Very true. However, if you realize your mistake, you should apologize for it.
But there are so many people walking around with their heads so far stuck up their collective arses, that they think they are gold, God and are above reproach.
THE LIST OF THE UNFORGIVEN
I will NEVER forgive some of my high school classmates for tormenting me and calling me homophobic names when I was in school with them.
And the day I graduated from low school on June 7, 1985, (coincidentally Prince’s birthday), everyone was in tears, except me. I couldn’t WAIT to leave. Some of these people had tormented me since elementary school. And I’m supposed to cry over leaving them? Hell will freeze over first. Unless we’re talking tears of joy! 🤣😂
So, no. I’m NEVER going to forget or forgive being bullied, all the homophobic slurs that were lobbed my way as a child and even into my teen years and beyond.
I will NEVER forgive a certain job, which shall remain nameless – you know the one, where I “acted like I didn’t want to be there.” Bitch, you didn’t want to be there either! This horrid place made a mockery of my talents – and the talents of others. Why would I want to be someplace where people are miserable, controlling, NOT doing their jobs, and also letting your fellow coworkers get away with bullying you???
That is the type of person I absolutely ABHOR, and that’s a bully. And workplace bullies can be just as bad as schoolyard ones. And after having been bullied, I can be a real BITCH when confronted by one.
I’m NEVER going to forgive being in a certain band that essentially mistreated me and chased me away. And there were soooooo many other problems with this group, way too many to even mention. Can we say overly sensitive millennials, for one?
I don’t want any of these people near me. And I am very thankful that I don’t have to see or deal with these people any longer. That has certainly been good for my mental health and well being.
So, you are probably thinking, “then you are angry and bitter.” And I have been told that countless times when speaking of certain past events, sitautions, and people. And I say, okay. And? This is why I DON’T think of them, and I am happy as a result. And if I happen to talk about them, I am not going to sound sweet and ooey and gooey about them. I’m keeping it real!!
Now, I do hope that perhaps one day I can do an even better job of moving forward and moving past the grudges. But we’ll see.
I know I’m not alone in the grudge department. There are so many people who don’t want to admit it, because it is so much more in fashion to be “positive” and “forgiving.” LIARS! 😂😂
Feel how you feel. Acknowledge your true feelings. Don’t hide them as others do. You can’t help how you feel about something or someone. And my feelings happen to be stronger than most. And I own that. I’d rather be honest about how I feel than not.
However, there are ways I deal with my grudges. And surely you’ve seen the list before:
1. Listening to music.
Oh look. Annie sums it up quite well in this song. 😂😂😂
You hurt me, and I HATE you!! 😡🤬🤬🤬
2. Playing my trumpet.
3. WRITING!!
4. As one example of writing, writing this blog.
5. My screenplays!
6. Immersing myself in 80s soaps!
7. Meditation.
And get this: I really believe you can use the fuel behind your grudges and, yes, hatred towards other people to propel you to do good things in your life. Instead of focusing on them, focus on what you wish to accomplish and use that energy for that instead. So, I guess what I’m saying is I do believe in using my “pain” to force me to get off my butt and do something with my life! 😂
Use it! I don’t see a problem with that. I mean, after all I’ve managed to write TWO horror screenplays, a miniseries (I’m on part 5, each consisting of 120 pages!!) and there is Fabulous And Gorgeous entering Season 3! So, yeah. I’ve been busy.
There is a lesson in these grudges. And that is not to repeat the same mistakes twice. Or to deal with the same grubby people as before. Don’t stay where you are not wanted or appreciated or loved. My fave saying is, “don’t stay where the love isn’t being served.” Run. Not walk away from situations, people, relationships, friendships that cause you harm or diss you. Simply RUN! I honestly wish I had gotten that lesson eons ago. If I had, I wouldn’t have stayed in certain situations as long as I did.
Well, enough of my rant. This is it for today. But don’t go away just yet, until you’ve gone on over to the Derek Store! 😉🍹
That’s it for today. Come back next week when I tackle religious guilt. Until then, please be safe, and as always, mentally well! 💖
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
