DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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Well, it is Freaky Friday, and I am back with another post! And today’s topic is focusing on the toxicity of seeking validation through social media (or social murder as I like to call it).
I have 500 likes on Facebook (Fakebook). I have 20,000 followers on InstaGram. I have quite the following on YouTube. I am liked! I am LOVED! They love ME!! I mean, they REALLY, REALLY love me!!!!!! (FYI I don’t have any of that stuff, and I actually am quite fine with it. )
Hey, that’s fantastic! That is great!! But how do you feel about YOU? I mean, without all of those likes, would you still love or even like yourself? Do you need this sort of validation to feel valued? Do you really need approval from others? Just a thought.
First of all, we ALL want/need some sort of validation in life. If you are a parent, you may ask yourself – am I a good mom/dad? If you are married or partnered, you may ask yourself – am I a good husband/wife/partner? Oprah Winfrey shared the following thought on her final show:
“I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’
When she said this, a light bulb just immediately flashed inside me. I was like, you are sooooooo correct on that! No matter what anyone says, I feel this is what we – on some level – want!!! It all boils down to some sort of acceptance. And that in and of itself is valid. “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?” And it really, REALLY hurts when you feel that you are invisible or that you are unheard or that NO ONE cares what you have to say and/or it means NOTHING to them. I have been there more times than I care to even count.
And then social media came along with its endless selfies and pics and posts about food and houses and relationships and marriages and anniversaries and birthdays and graduations and vacations and the gym … well, you get the picture, so to speak. And suddenly, EVERYONE was a star. What started out as sharing and caring, turned into – well, a bit of a monster, in my opinion. It seemed like a competition to have THE best posts with THE best photos and pictures to get THE most likes. And I just know someone reading this is thinking – ‘hmmmm sounds like someone is hatin’ or doesn’t get a lot of likes.’ And first of all, I get my fair share of likes and NO. I am not “hatin’.” I am a nearly 54-year-old gay man who was BEFORE social media (proud Gen X, baby!!!!!), who has NEVER considered himself liked by a lot of people to begin with. So, at the end of the day I really don’t care about being “liked.” But I really think some people do, especially when it comes to social murder – er social media. The endless selfies in the same position. In front of the same mirror. Sometimes the same outfit. It is actually becoming laughable. But some people really rely on that, saying in their posts “I love ME!!” Great. Fantastic. You SHOULD love YOU! However, if you really do, do you REALLY need to state it ALL. THE. TIME? I mean, who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Or the rest of us? Because come on, after a gazillion selfies, I think we KNOW what you look like! LOL
I am not knocking the selfie thing. Well. Not TOO much. I mean, they are fun. You are capturing a fun time out with your friends, your vacation, and sometimes if you’re lucky, with a celebrity. But when it becomes an obsession, is that really a healthy thing? If you are consistently relying on those gazillion likes, is THAT healthy? Just wondering. I think if it is a constant craving for attention, then it leads into toxicity, and that can lead into some sort of mental imbalance.
That mental imbalance, I feel, is some sort of an obsession with being liked and/or validated. So, what if you don’t get those millions of likes or millions of followers after you have put your heart and soul into your selfies and pics and posts and videos? What if you only get – GASP – ONE LIKE??? Or no likes at all? Do you feel hurt? Destroyed? Do you even care? Tell me in the comment section below. Let me be honest, sometimes there is that expectation of getting people to like what you post, at least one person I would think. Even deep down I think at least one person – maybe two – will either like my post or comment on it. But again, what if that doesn’t happen? I do think there are those people who are counting on the likes and the comments. I mean, they are REALLY counting on it. Maybe social media is their only social outlet. After all, we are still in the middle of a pandemic. So, it is understandable that this is the only way to stay connected with people.
But it can become an obsession of trying to keep up with the Joneses in seeing what others post and feeling that twinge of jealousy and/or self-loathing. Like how come that doesn’t happen to me? Or why don’t I have a relationship? Or I am in a relationship, but mine sure doesn’t seem as happy as theirs do (according to the selfies). Or why am I not succeeding like so and so? He/she looks great! My body sure doesn’t look like that. And on and on and on until your mind is definitely off balance, and you are thinking there is something wrong with YOU, because you are comparing yourself to others.
I have seen countless online articles about how staying off of social media can actually make you feel HAPPIER and boost or reboost your self-esteem. I’ve tried staying off, and I was HAPPIER without it. Now, I just take it all with a grain of salt, and am thankful for ME and what I have accomplished.
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I could be on the subject of social media all day, but alas it is time for me to go. But before I do, remember to value YOURSELF and what YOU bring to the table. You would be amazed how much you do.
All the best as always!!!
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
