Hello, everybody! Welcome back to Part 2 of my series on narcissistic parents.
Last week’s post started by describing the traits of the NP – narcissistic parent. Please click on the banner link below.
And if I didn’t mention in last week’s post, the NP DEFINITELY gaslights you!!!!!
Anyway, this week I am talking about how having an NP affects you and your mental health, and traits you can develop in life as a result.
Tell me, Derek, how does having an NP make you feel?
I feel unheard and unloved around my NP.
I feel very small and not like I am worthy of anything.
I don’t feel like an adult, but like a child, and a lost one at that.
I feel very angry around my NP.
I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my NP.
I feel anxious and nervous sometimes around my NP.
I don’t feel like I am my own person around my NP.
I feel less than.
And yes, I do feel insecure, still, as a result of being around my NP.
You don’t want to speak up for fear of “rocking the boat” or making your NP mad. But this mentality also goes to other people and situations. In other words, you become a people pleaser in order to avoid confrontations and to keep the peace.
You feel invisible and like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
And guess what? Some of the things I described above are exactly how other adult children (and children period) feel as a result of being raised by an NP!
Other feelings as either children or adults having been raised by or being around NPs:
- Anxiety
- depression
- low self-esteem
- self-doubt
- self-blame
- indecision
- people-pleasing tendencies
- difficulties with emotional intimacy
- codependent relationships.
As I have touched on, yes, I do sometimes feel anxious around my NP. I do not feel depressed because of him, though, thankfully.
However, as far as the rest of the list, I do feel these feelings around other people, as well.
I believe my biggest ones are the people pleasing and the self-doubt. I realized that I really didn’t believe in myself as much as I thought I did. I thought I was pretty confident in certain areas of my life, but when I truly took a look at myself underneath, I had to realize that I didn’t believe in myself after all. I sometimes shied away from taking certain risks for fear of – wait for it – FAILURE! Or looking stupid or silly. Or embarrassing myself. And this is total junk we get from our NPs, because they made/make us feel that way!!!
And people pleasing. Well, I wanted to make sure I was liked. And I also wanted to make sure I didn’t make anybody mad. Hence, the reason why I kept my mouth shut about a lot of things.
YOU CAN’T SPEAK UP!! YOU DON’T DARE TO!!!
But wait, there’s more:
“Often, however, adult children of narcissists develop an insecure attachment style in relationships. Some shut others out with avoidant attachment while others respond to narcissistic parenting by avoiding emotional intimacy altogether. On the other hand, some adult children of narcissists desperately need attention and develop anxious attachment. Especially sensitive adult children can be people-pleasing to the extreme, revolving their lives around others’ needs.”
I believe I developed, not necessarily insecure attachment styles, but obsessive and UNREALISTIC attachment styles, with regard to certain relationships, both romantic and platonic. It all goes back to the wanting to be liked and accepted, and I would just let any old body run all over me. And I would feel I had to emulate certain friends, i.e. adopt THEIR way of thinking, THEIR way of doing things, THEIR hobbies and interests, and totally disregard my own. And yes, I was in codependent relationships.
There is a good possibility that children of NPs will grow up to be NPs themselves. Or at the very least narcissistic. I can see it in myself in wanting to be the center of attention, and wanting my own way.
According to one of my sources, there is also a higher risk of developing mental health issues. HELLO! POSTER CHILD HERE!
In addition to living in a high state of anxiety and yes, depression, adult children of NPs can also develop:
- bipolar disorder
- obsessive compulsive disorder – OCD
- borderline personality disorder
- histrionic personality disorder
- post-traumatic stress disorder – PTSD
Y’all, I have OCD and a bit of PTSD from my experiences with my NP.
So, as you can see having an NP is definitely no joke, and it can literally mess with your mind and overall wellbeing.
That is it for today. I will be coming back next week with Part 3 on how to effectively deal with all of this madness.
Before you leave, though, please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
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Thank you for stopping by again. Remember to please come back next week for the third and final part of this series. Until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
