As I stated in a previous post, I realize that I have been suffering from recurring and intrusive and/or scary thoughts all my life. See my list below:
- When I was a child, I was afraid that a dressing drawer in the living room, which is where I slept, was going to come to life and get me. As a matter of fact, I dreamt it about it practically every night. It would come to life and tickle my back, which was weird.
- I became obsessed and also had nightmares about the movie “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” back in 1977. The white-hooded figure would “get me” in my dreams, by again tickling me on my back. Why the back?? LOL
- I became obsessed with my height in my preteen years. I thought I was shorter than everybody else. I would stuff socks in my shoes to appear taller. I did this, I believe, from age 12 to about 15 or 16, I think. I was sick!
- The biggie came next when I was afraid of being nuked! Yes, I was a teen during the Cold War of the 80s with the fear of nuclear war. And watching movies such as “The Day After,” “Testament,” and “Threads” didn’t help. To add to my misery, my parents and brother lived and still do live in Washington, D.C., which of course would be a target, if not the first target. Every visit there for the summer was pure torture for me. I was in agony.
- I was in a cult and thought that I was blaspheming the Holy Ghost because of a song. Yes. I a song. A secular song called “Dangerous Man,” by my favorite group Culture Club. In the song, there is a lyric that goes like this: “Martin (referring to Martin Luther King, Jr.) had the Devil just like anyone can. But he spoke words they were frightened to mention.” This sent me into a tailspin, because I thought in singing this song all these years I had done something wrong!!
- The other biggie which has haunted me since is when an astrologer told me in 1999 during a reading that I was bisexual.! My mind didn’t take this too well, considering I had been an openly gay man for the better part of a decade. This is the source of my biggest recurring thoughts today. The others have gone away.
- But of course, I cannot forget the I-think-I’m-going-to-go-blind recurring thought. Why do I think this? Because of my eye floaters!!!! Needless, to say reading info on the Internet is NOT a good idea all the time.
I think this about covers it. I am sure there are more. I have kept a list. And I will be adding more to this. Now you know what I have been going through. More later …
