March 2023 - Derek Writes

Welcome back, my dear friends! I am back with something that has been weighing on my mind lately.

I have decided it is time to stop chasing after people, stuff, things, etc. Because I realize that it has gotten me nowhere. And I’m quite honestly sick and tired of it. And it has wreaked havoc on my mental faculties.

I have written about letting go of “stuff” and people in the past. However, I want to tailor this blog post to more specifically detaching and letting go of people.

The Art of REALLY Letting Go!

To an extent, as a child, I wanted to be liked. Didn’t we all? And I wanted to be part of a group; I wanted to belong. Again, didn’t we all?

When you have been disappointed by people as much as I have, and you have been burned enough in that department – not to mention counting on people for certain things and they let you down – and even assuming friendship or assuming certain things about your friendship, you truly get sick of it. And so it is with great pleasure that I announce I am totally sole/soul alone!! 😁

The reason I call it “soul alone” is because of the Daryl Hall SOLO album, of the same name. Great album. Here’s the opening track – “Power of Seduction.”

Daryl, from time to time, felt the need to detach from John Oates, and that’s okay.

But I digress.

I have been doing a lot of affirmations surrounding no longer chasing after things and people and just relaxing and allowing things to just be as they are.

This is coming from a place of having too many expectations from people, and not having any of them met or fulfilled. I know that that is the death of your mentality to always want something from people, aka Earth Things, and particularly Earth Things you know, even your friends.

Well, I am at a place in my life where I am okay with being alone, with doing things on my own. Ha. I rhymed. 😂😁

This detachment is more of an internal detachment. It isn’t really a “leave me the fuck alone; I’m totally staying away from people” sort of thing. Well, not necessarily. Because obviously (and sometimes unfortunately) you have to deal with Earth Things at some point in time.

But cutting down on my interactions with them, and certainly cutting out the expectations and assumptions and presumptions is VERY good for my mental health. And I’ll bet it will be good for yours, as well.

Otherwise, you’ll be left waiting. Waiting for someone to do something for you.

Waiting for love.

Waiting. Just waiting.

Check out Madonna’s song about the subject of “waiting.”

When you detach or separate yourself, you truly are at peace. You create that space within yourself to rely on YOURSELF which is what we all should do anyway.

You not only create peace, but resilience and strength. Because people (or Earth Things as I like to call us), are all over the place. We have our own stuff to deal with, and it is fair to say that we are not always available, emotionally or otherwise.

When you detach, you cut out any hard feelings.

You protect yourself and your own mental wellbeing.

And you are happier.

Because being dependent upon someone else can be the pits.

But I think you gain so much more strength and maturity by simply detaching yourself from others, temporarily. Or just pull a Stevie Nicks and tell people to “STAND BACK!” 🤣😁😂

And it’s not like it has to be forever. Again, it certainly can be a temporary thing, because, again, there are times when we do need each other.

And this DEFINITELY applies to detaching from bad relationships!!!

I don’t wish to tell other adults what to do, but it goes without saying that if you are stuck in a toxic or dead-end or, heaven forbid, abusive relationship, to quote the Jordan Peele movie “GET OUT!”

Find the strength somehow to walk away and to let go – rise above and move forward.

I would suggest doing the same with toxic friendships, toxic family members, and toxic organizations and jobs. You get the idea.

It is, of course, easier said than done to “detach” from people and to walk away. But remember, if you feel that you need the strength and conviction to do so and you need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Thank you all so much for diving into today’s topic. Please stay tuned for more posts. In the meantime, please be safe and, as always, be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, everyone! Thanks for checking in.

This week’s topic is dealing and healing from years of trauma and drama. And what type of trauma do I mean? The trauma perpetuated on us by people, of course.

I know this sounds like another weepy, wimpy, you-can’t-handle-life kind of post, where it’s YOUR fault that you allow people to hurt you, walk all over you, or traumatize you.

However, when you realize in life that you are a people pleaser or, let’s say, come from a family who constantly puts you down or is toxic, and then that toxicity translates over into adulthood and others show up in your life who are just as toxic or equally pernicious, then you know EXACTLY what I mean.

These traumatic experiences can be anything negative that knocks you off your center, that you relive over and over and over again even if it is unintentional. It can mess with your mind and your personal security. You may feel low-esteem as a result or feel unworthy, off balance, afraid, nervous and anxious.

I also believe you can be traumatized for simply keeping your bazoo zipped and not saying anything to these virulent nutjobs, because you want to keep the peace and not make any waves or cause confrontations with said nutjobs.

Yep. We are going to start in childhood, because let’s face it – that’s where a lot of this junk starts. At least that was the case for me.

Bullying

Now. You know that I was going to go THERE.

First of all, being bullied is traumatic in and of itself. A bullied child may experience sleep disturbances, mood swings, insecurity, fear and anxiety.

And more often than not, these symptoms of trauma carry over into adulthood.

But there are other traumas, too, that can happen to a person later in life: Illness, a traumatic event such as rape or, heaven forbid a mass shooting, which I covered last week.

Mass Shootings = Massive Fear, Anxiety and Trauma

Other traumas can, unfortunately, include some type of ongoing abuse, such as spousal abuse or child abuse.

And there is the workplace. Let’s face it, but a lot of trauma can occur right there. A toxic workplace. A difficult boss. Difficult coworkers. Job loss. Threat of losing your job.

I think you get the picture in terms of different traumas.

But the question is – how do you cope? How do you heal from all this?

I think one of the first steps is realizing that you have, indeed, been traumatized by something or someone or some event.

Throughout a great deal of my adulthood, I was a very, very angry person. And I had no problem showing others that anger and vitriol deep within me. It actually wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that I was dealing with my pain body.

I go into what the paid body is in length in this previous post. Please click the link below.

What The Heck is a Pain Body?

The pain body is years and years of accumulated, unresolved hurts and disappointments that one carries around with them, without realizing it. And the slightest incident can trigger that person into venting all of these bottled up feelings in a torrent of pain, anger and malevolence. And yep. I was doing that. I don’t do that (as much) anymore now that I realize what it was. Hey, I’m an Earth Thing and still a work in progress. 😁😋

And that pain body can most definitely start in childhood. Oh yes, the childhood crap, such as neglectful parents, growing up and living in an environment where you are blamed for everything, growing up in an environment where you are constantly talked down to, feeling unsafe and unsure in your environment.

Please click the link below for the post I wrote on that.

Family Secrets and the Destruction of our Psyche

What people don’t realize is that we are a cumulation of years of drama, disappointments, and trauma, making us who we are today.

But a lot of people don’t believe that and/or refuse to believe it or do something about it.

So, step one is acknowledging that you were traumatized.

I would say the next step in healing is figuring out what works for you in your healing process and journey.

Here are some ideas:

Journaling and/or writing about what happened to you and acknowledging it. Give space and honor to the fact that dammit – I’m in pain from X, Y, Z. NEVER let ANYONE tell you to just GET OVER IT. No. Acknowledge it! Own it! No, you don’t have to stay stuck in it.
Which brings me to another thought. Getting unstuck. Figure out those triggers. I think when you do that, you’ve already won half that battle.
Suggestions: I will always but always suggest meditation. Sit quietly and reflect on your past and what happened. And then begin to make peace with the fact that you cannot change that past. You cannot change the people involved. And tell yourself you did NOT deserve the trauma and the pain that went with it.
Another suggestion: Music is soooo helpful.
So, are affirmations. For me, affirmations are now like breathing or drinking water. I find them very necessary to start my day and put me in a more relaxed and peaceful mood. Affirmations are like my gas to get this 55-yo vehicle going! 😎😅
FORGIVE YOURSELF!! People are always running around saying to forgive others. Yes. Do it IF YOU CAN. It is sometimes easier said than done. I prefer to say RELEASE THEM. But definitely love and forgive yourself first and foremost, I say.
Know that you, yes YOU are a valuable person worthy of everything wonderful and good in this world, and that no one has the right to tell you otherwise. They can, but screw ’em. 😉

And remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it, my dear friends and readers. Come back next time as I discuss detaching from people. Woo hoo! Talk about a way to heal from your trauma and drama. 😀

Until then, please be safe and mentally well!

SOURCES:

Photo attribution: Simran Sood

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.