Month: August 2023

And What Do You Do to Relax?

Post author By The Write One
Post date August 31, 2023

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

Welcome back, dear readers and friends!!

Today’s post is designed to be “light and airy” and just talk about things you do to relax. I am going to list the things I generally do to relax and/or activities I engage in to take my mind off things. Now, this post may sort of be a redo of what I have posted before, but if you are new to my blog, then they will be new to you. 😊

There are a number of ways to relax:

Meditation.

Exercising (not my favorite).

Reading.

Facials!

Mud baths.

Manicures and pedicures.

A walk in nature or just being in nature.

Having cocktails with friends.

And I cannot stress enough how music is such a relaxing tool for me. Whether I am listening to it, or playing it on my instruments, it is a great way for me to forget what a stressful world this can be.

I MUST start my day with music. I stopped turning on the news first thing in the morning a long time ago when I realized all they were showing was depressing stuff. After all, I will find out about the horrors of the world at some point during the day anyway.

Well, I cannot mention music without mentioning watching TV. I am a YouTube fanatic. My YouTube is now actually connected to both of my television sets. I watch most of my stuff on YouTube, as well as listen to my music on that platform. I have so many playlists of both music and TV shows and movies, I can’t keep count anymore. 😁😂

Sitting outside on my “lanai” (Golden Girls reference) is certainly one of my best ways to relax. I start this process in the spring when the weather FINALLY makes up its mind to turn warm and stay that way. I put on my ear pods and listen to music on my iPhone. I usually write in my journal of Great Ideas while outside. I normally write ideas for my screenplays. Add a nice cold beverage of my choice, and I am in heaven. 🌈🍹🍸

Speaking of writing, that is certainly one of my preferred ways to relax. I immerse myself in a make-believe world of MY choice. And I absolutely LOVE and enjoy writing my blog. I get a kick out of writing my gay soap opera, and now my new miniseries! That is correct. One of my feature film scripts has now turned into a full-blown miniseries!!! 😁😊❤️

Working on my scripts is so exhilarating!!! Now talk about being transported! I lose myself in my screenwriting. Right now, I am working on three different screenplays. One is my longtime Fabulous And Gorgeous script, which starts off in 1977. So, that means a trip back in time to the 1970s and everything disco! LOLOL 🕺🪩

I have another script that is actually a prequel to Fabulous And Gorgeous (I call it FAG. That’s right. I am taking that awful word back!!) Anyway, the yet untitled prequel starts off in 1934 and will go to present day, without hopefully giving too much away about the FAG script, which will eventually take us forward in time. This particular script will focus mainly on other characters not necessarily in FAG.

And then there is my Social Murder screenplay, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other two. (Or does it?) Tee hee. This script is set in present day and is a dark comedy/thriller. And it has to do with social media.

Oh goodness! I hope I am not giving too much away! 😂🤣😂

Honorable mention to relaxing in bed watching TV, with more emphasis on being in the bed. LOLOL Sometimes I don’t even pay attention to what is on TV. As a matter of fact, I set my TV to a timer, and fall asleep. That way the TV can turn itself off once I do. 😂😂

And yes, taking a nap is another way I relax. I am quite sure a number of us can relate to that one. There are so many thoughts on napping. Some people say that you should only take a 15-30 minute “power” nap. Maybe 45 minutes. Others say don’t nap at all because it could mess with your nighttime sleep schedule. I usually nap for a couple of hours or more! And nope. It doesn’t interfere with my regular sleep sleep.

It’s all good since the idea is to promote better, overall mental wellbeing. Being able to relax, I mean really relax is so good for not just your mental health, but your overall physical health as well.

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That’s it for today. Thank you for stopping by. Next week, I’m going to talk about soap operas. That’s right. Keeping it light and airy for a couple of weeks before returning to the heavy stuff, such as REJECTION! Hint. Hint.

Until then, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

mental health and well-being

The Narcissistic Parent v. YOUR Mental Health – Part 3

Post author By The Write One
Post date August 24, 2023

Welcome back, everyone who has dared to come back. Because the past couple of weeks have been a doozy talking about the NP – the narcissistic parent.

“A narcissistic parent will walk all over their family ― even their children ― to get their needs met.” – TRUTH!!!

This week I am going to talk about how to handle and/or deal with your NP.

Here are some ways you can deal with your NP, and in an effective way:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! Make sure YOUR needs are taken care of. You’ve taken care of the NP long enough.
Realize they are narcissistic and what they are up to. I am saying you don’t have to call them out on their behaviour. By all means if you feel safe to do that, then do it. But again, you cannot change the NP.
Let them go!!! Or rather, let it go. Move forward and rise above.
Develop positive coping mechanisms and skills. Try deep breathing exercises. Mindfulness. Exercise. Music. Meditation.
Set clear and defined boundaries.
In a calm way, let them know that you will no longer put up with their behaviour.
Detach. This is one of my favorite ones.
LOVE YOURSELF!
Seek therapy if necessary.
If you haven’t already, find out who YOU are!!

And here are some other ways to deal with your NP:

I believe one of the most important things to remember in dealing with an NP is to not challenge or argue with them. That will definitely make things worse. Believe me, I ought to know. You may have to simply disconnect from them. I would even say, if necessary, cut them out of your life.

Limit your time around them. They are extremely toxic, and there is no need to further damage your mentality by being around them. Believe me when I tell you that I do not communicate with my NP as much as I do with other family members.

And I think above and beyond anything else, LOVE YOURSELF! Know and understand that THEIR toxicity has NOTHING at all to do with you!

Also, remember that narcissists do not take responsibility for themselves or their actions, and they most certainly do not believe they are wrong.

I have said it before in this post, and I will say it again: Love YOURself!! Take care of YOURself!!

That is all I have for you today. I hope that you have enjoyed my 3-part series on the subject of the NP. Come back next week as I discuss relaxation.

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Thank you for stopping by. Join me next week when I talk about relaxation. In the meantime, and as always, please be safe and mentally well!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.

Valuable sources:

How Having a Narcissistic Parent Impacts Young Adult Mental Health

mental health and well-being

The Narcissistic Parent v. YOUR Mental Health – Part 2

Post author By The Write One
Post date August 18, 2023

Hello, everybody! Welcome back to Part 2 of my series on narcissistic parents.

Last week’s post started by describing the traits of the NP – narcissistic parent. Please click on the banner link below.

The Narcissistic Parent v. YOUR Mental Health – Part 1

And if I didn’t mention in last week’s post, the NP DEFINITELY gaslights you!!!!!

Anyway, this week I am talking about how having an NP affects you and your mental health, and traits you can develop in life as a result.

Tell me, Derek, how does having an NP make you feel?

I feel unheard and unloved around my NP.

I feel very small and not like I am worthy of anything.

I don’t feel like an adult, but like a child, and a lost one at that.

I feel very angry around my NP.

I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my NP.

I feel anxious and nervous sometimes around my NP.

I don’t feel like I am my own person around my NP.

I feel less than.

And yes, I do feel insecure, still, as a result of being around my NP.

You don’t want to speak up for fear of “rocking the boat” or making your NP mad. But this mentality also goes to other people and situations. In other words, you become a people pleaser in order to avoid confrontations and to keep the peace.

You feel invisible and like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.

And guess what? Some of the things I described above are exactly how other adult children (and children period) feel as a result of being raised by an NP!

Other feelings as either children or adults having been raised by or being around NPs:

Anxiety
depression
low self-esteem
self-doubt
self-blame
indecision
people-pleasing tendencies
difficulties with emotional intimacy
codependent relationships.

As I have touched on, yes, I do sometimes feel anxious around my NP. I do not feel depressed because of him, though, thankfully.

However, as far as the rest of the list, I do feel these feelings around other people, as well.

I believe my biggest ones are the people pleasing and the self-doubt. I realized that I really didn’t believe in myself as much as I thought I did. I thought I was pretty confident in certain areas of my life, but when I truly took a look at myself underneath, I had to realize that I didn’t believe in myself after all. I sometimes shied away from taking certain risks for fear of – wait for it – FAILURE! Or looking stupid or silly. Or embarrassing myself. And this is total junk we get from our NPs, because they made/make us feel that way!!!

And people pleasing. Well, I wanted to make sure I was liked. And I also wanted to make sure I didn’t make anybody mad. Hence, the reason why I kept my mouth shut about a lot of things.

YOU CAN’T SPEAK UP!! YOU DON’T DARE TO!!!

But wait, there’s more:

“Often, however, adult children of narcissists develop an insecure attachment style in relationships. Some shut others out with avoidant attachment while others respond to narcissistic parenting by avoiding emotional intimacy altogether. On the other hand, some adult children of narcissists desperately need attention and develop anxious attachment. Especially sensitive adult children can be people-pleasing to the extreme, revolving their lives around others’ needs.”

I believe I developed, not necessarily insecure attachment styles, but obsessive and UNREALISTIC attachment styles, with regard to certain relationships, both romantic and platonic. It all goes back to the wanting to be liked and accepted, and I would just let any old body run all over me. And I would feel I had to emulate certain friends, i.e. adopt THEIR way of thinking, THEIR way of doing things, THEIR hobbies and interests, and totally disregard my own. And yes, I was in codependent relationships.

There is a good possibility that children of NPs will grow up to be NPs themselves. Or at the very least narcissistic. I can see it in myself in wanting to be the center of attention, and wanting my own way.

According to one of my sources, there is also a higher risk of developing mental health issues. HELLO! POSTER CHILD HERE!

In addition to living in a high state of anxiety and yes, depression, adult children of NPs can also develop:

bipolar disorder
obsessive compulsive disorder – OCD
borderline personality disorder
histrionic personality disorder
post-traumatic stress disorder – PTSD

Y’all, I have OCD and a bit of PTSD from my experiences with my NP.

So, as you can see having an NP is definitely no joke, and it can literally mess with your mind and overall wellbeing.

That is it for today. I will be coming back next week with Part 3 on how to effectively deal with all of this madness.

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Thank you for stopping by again. Remember to please come back next week for the third and final part of this series. Until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.

How Having a Narcissistic Parent Impacts Young Adult Mental Health

mental health and well-being

The Narcissistic Parent v. YOUR Mental Health – Part 1

Post author By The Write One
Post date August 10, 2023

Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com

Welcome back, everybody! I do hope all of you are doing well!

I have been wanting to write about narcissistic parents/caregivers, for a long time.

If you are not sure what that really means, then I shall define it as a parent who is EXTREMELY self-centered and thinks they are right about EVERYTHING. They also have an overexaggerated sense of self importance and totally disregard everyone else’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Everything is about THEM and everything centers around THEM. And there really is no arguing with them on any topic because, again, they are always right. Well, according to them.

If you don’t have a narcissistic parent, boy are you lucky. My father is ABSOLUTELY a narcissistic parent, hence part of the reason I am writing this post. I don’t really want to do an entire blog post about him. However, I will bring up the traits of this type of parent in this first part, and you bet your sweet tootsie I will be bringing up my father.

In part 2 of another blog post, I will discuss how it can affect you.

And in part 3, we will talk about coping strategies in dealing with these monsters. Because they are monsters.

I have described some of the traits and signs above already. But here are some more. Some may be repeated or expounded upon.

One thing I have noticed about my narcissistic father is that he MUST be the center of attention when around others. In other words, he monopolizes the conversation, normally talking about himself.

When confronted with anything, the narcissistic parent – from now on known as “NP” because I am too lazy to continue to type it out! 😁😁😁😊😊😊 – anyway, when anyone disagrees with the NP or the NP is confronted, they EXPLODE in anger! Oh boy, that is my NP!!! It has gotten soooooo bad, that I only call him on holidays and his birthday and try to get off the phone within 15 minutes to avoid an argument! And being around him during Christmas, well, the other members of my family are sitting on pins and needles hoping and praying my NP and I don’t get into a fight!

The NP is not a good arguer. Once again, the NP is RIGHT about EVERYTHING. You cannot have a difference of opinion with your NP. You MUST agree with EVERYTHING they say. (Notice how I am capitalizing the word “EVERYTHING!”) 😊

The NP constantly puts down their children, normally by taking cheap shots. For example (and now I will give a most recent example from my father), back in June, my family and I decided to visit my aunt in North Carolina, who is currently in an assisted living facility. When the visit was over and everyone was at their respective cars about to return to their respective states, I hugged my father and he said to me “oh and lose some weight.” Cricket. Cricket. Chirp. Chirp. Normally, I would have cussed him out. HOWEVER, I decided to – for once – take the high road. I said “Okay! On that note, goodbye everyone and safe travels.” And got in my car and left. But this is just an example of the kind of crap he has said to me my entire life. And for the record, for once, I did NOT let his hateful words bother me.

One thing about having an NP is that you are constantly feeling like you need to keep the peace, and that is normally by keeping your mouth shut. How many times was I told by my grandmother and aunt to not say anything back to my father? And this is coming from his own mother and sister! So, you can imagine how bad it was. Is.

But this is one of the ways you deal with an NP. You keep the peace. Or try at least.

And one of the NP’s favorite phrases is “you don’t listen.” Kinda hard to listen to someone who is yelling at you or constantly criticizing you. The NP says you don’t want to hear what they have to say. And guess what? NOBODY DOES!

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

And conversely, the NP doesn’t want to listen to you. They normally cut you off when you are trying to have a conversation with them. And especially in the middle of an argument.

Everything is YOUR fault! The NP does NOT take responsibility for anything. They are entirely blameless.

Also, the NP feels they are entitled and privileged. They have a rather exaggerated and grandiose sense of self importance.

Example from my own life with my NP: When my Aunt Sadie passed away years ago, my parents and brother came down here to Georgia for the funeral since she lived in Stone Mountain.

Following the funeral, everyone went to the repast, which was in another location. Well, my family was the first to arrive, and my father wanted to eat IMMEDIATELY. My mother, brother and I told him to wait until the rest of the family arrived. Oh but he wasn’t having that. As a matter of fact, when my brother tried to stop him, the two of them engaged in a brief shoving match!!!!! And this was actually in front of people, including a few family members!

Which brings me to another point, the NP is utterly shameless. They are shameless in terms of not caring where they are when they get aggressive and confrontational. They don’t care who hears and who sees because, again, they are always right. How many times has my NP “shown out” in front of others? There are too many embarrassing, shameless moments that my NP has engaged in to count.

The NP is competitive with, and sometimes jealous of, their own children. I was told on a number of occasions growing up that my father was actually jealous of me. And I really didn’t understand that or know why. But then I got it when I realized I had many more advantages than he had gotten when HE was a child. My grandparents and aunt lavished me with money, instruments (mainly the trumpet), birthday parties, school outings, etc. And these were things that he didn’t get. But what he needed to understand is that he came up in a different time than I did where some of those things weren’t available to him. Plus, I had more people, more family members to help me out.

And the biggest sticking point is the fact that I actually graduated from college, whereas he was thrown out for being lazy and not attending class!!!!

Speaking of graduating, when I graduated high school, my father didn’t congratulate me. Instead he told me that that was something I was expected to do. That it wasn’t a big deal. That hurt.

Also, my grandfather bought me a car before I even graduated high school. And my father told me that he was NEVER going to buy me one!

The NP also constantly criticizes and “jokes” with their child and not in a funny, good-natured way, but in a mean-spirited way. And once again, my NP CONSTANTLY did this to me and my brother growing up. And as evidenced by the weight loss thing, my NP still does.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

The NP makes negative comparisons between you and your siblings. The NP will make such statements as “why can’t you be more like your brother?” Or – “Your sister would never do that. You must be adopted.” Or “Both your brother and sister went to college. What’s your problem?” Or something along those lines. You get the picture. My father used to say that I was jealous of my brother. And this started when he was a baby!!!! Projection much??

All right. This concludes Part 1.

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That is it for now. Next week in Part 2, I will discuss how having an NP makes you feel. So, stay tuned!

In the meantime, my dear friends, please be safe and mentally well!

Sources:

How Having a Narcissistic Parent Impacts Young Adult Mental Health

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.