Month: February 2021

Hi friends! Today is Friday, February 12, 2021. Day 329 of this pandemic. Or I should be more specific – day 329 of being shutdown and in isolation. 329 days of this BLEEP! I must be honest and say that I am beyond sick and tired of this. Not being able to safely go to places other than the grocery store is a real bitch! And when I learned I couldn’t even go to the library (duh! totally forgot that that would be considered nonessential), that is when I realized just how sick of this whole thing I truly am!!! And it doesn’t help to be stuck with a roommate who has been unemployed for nearly year either. Yeah. I said it. And I know that now parents are stuck in the house with their children ALL DAY. And spouses and significant others are stuck together ALL DAY. So, I am sure others of you are feeling exactly what I am feeling. When will this EVER end???? A lot of people are now saying that 2022 we will be free of this mess. And as the topic suggests, we are going to talk about maintaining our sanity during this rather unusual time in our lifetime.

I want to start off by saying that I am not minimizing the suffering and, especially, the deaths that have resulted from this pandemic. I am in my own way being selfish, because for me this pandemic is an inconvenience, as for a lot of us. Again, people have lost their LIVES, their jobs, incomes, houses, etc. So, me being inconvenienced is NOTHING compared to that. So, my heart definitely goes out to those who are REALLY suffering.

But let’s talk about how can we ALL cope. What are we doing to keep ourselves from going completely crazy from this? Well, I try to keep my spirits lifted through meditation, LOTS of music, and yes television. But I am also blogging, of course. I am an actor/writer, and writing definitely has been keeping me busy. And sane. Though I am not acting on the stage or in film at the moment, I do still have my job, where I do get to act. And so, believe it or not, my job is keeping me sane. I can honestly say that my current job is one of the best, if not THE best job I have EVER had!!! We are remote, which is FABULOUS! And I get to see and work with people I actually love and respect and enjoy being around, something I RARELY found on previous jobs. And I know that I am indeed lucky and blessed in that regard.

But back to coping mechanisms. Breaking it down.

Meditation:

I have actually been starting my day off with meditation and affirmations for YEARS now. And it really and truly has made a difference in my life. I feel clearer and more focused and upbeat and positive. Do I still have the intrusive thoughts? Absolutely. But I feel that I can reframe them a bit better. Meditation is different for everyone. I actually have a whole routine I do EVERY morning where I do affirmations, focus on money, positivity, mindfulness, gratitude and I even do Wonder Woman spins. LOLOL Truth! Meditation can be prayer, thankfulness, or just simply sitting (or lying down) quietly. Whatever works for you.

Music:

Oh my GODDESS! Whatever would I do without music??? Music is universal, and we NEED music! I start EVERY morning off with music, as well. And yes, when I am doing my routine. I feel that it REALLY pumps me up and gets me in the mood and ready for the day. I even listen to music when I do my other job, which also happens to be remote. Music is so uplifting, so positive, and energetic. And if you have read my “about me” page, then you know that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE 70s and 80s music!!!!! It just sets the tone for my day!

Television:

So, yes. We are all doing it/have done it – Ye Olde Binge watching. I have gone through “Cobra Kai,” “Nurse Ratched,” “Golden Girls” SEVERAL times, The Three Stooges, old soap operas, and I am still watching “This Is Us” and “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (CHRISTOPHER MELONI IS RETURNING TO SPIN OFF TO HIS OWN SHOW – ORGANIZED CRIME!!!! YES!!) Anyway, I know there are those that would advise to not do this ALL THE TIME, but I am not going to say that. I am not saying DO watch TV all day long if you have that chance. But I will say that television is a great escape. I would suggest putting some limits to it and do other things, like listen to music, exercise, write, garden, or do other hobbies.

Which brings me to blogging and writing:

I made the decision to start blogging back in November of 2020, and I have not regretted it. When I heard that I could (possibly) make money doing something I love, which happens to be writing, I was like – well, let me give this a chance. And this isn’t the only reason I am doing this. I do hope to help others like myself who suffer from some sort of mental “unwellness, ” as I like to call it. Putting my ideas to paper – or in this case, the computer — has been very therapeutic for me. I have always enjoyed writing, ever since I was a child. Creating, crafting and putting things together. I am writing my own soap opera, too. And I am proud to say that I am up to Season 2, Episode 9. And I think before the pandemic, I was still in the middle of Season 1. So, I have definitely made a LOT of progress. So, I have been busy during this pandemic.

Plus, my children’s book is about ready to be thrust upon the world. FINALLY! After FIVE years of working on it!!! Goodness! I know my illustrator will be happy when it is out there LOLOL

These are just some of the things I do to maintain my sanity. (because, again, my roommate has been unemployed for nearly a YEAR! And he is not helping my sanity by being here. All. The. Time.) 🙂

Oh yes, I must give honorable mention to exercise. I do exercise, though I don’t think it helps me maintain my sanity. But I know that it works wonders for others, which is fantastic. I love to dance and lift my little barbells for my exercise.

Another honorable mention must go to cooking and baking. This is something that I have picked up during the pandemic. It is a good thing I am not (too) overweight! LOL

In summation. do what is best and healthy for you. And no, no one is going to judge you for eating, drinking, or overindulging from time to time. I would suggest, perhaps, looking at alternatives from time to time just to maintain overall health and wellness. That’s all. Because I definitely have a cocktail from time to time. I am human. I am honest. And I am being transparent when I say that. And one could even say that I have DEFINITELY “made love” to my food LOL

Anyway, thanks to all who are reading this! Be safe, healthy and stay well during this trying time! All the best!!!

Hi friends! I am actually back with another post. Three days in a row is a record for me, but I LOVE IT!!!

As promised, I was going to tell the recent dream where my father tried to murder me. Yes, you heard right. Murder. Me. And it wasn’t the first time that I have dreamt he has tried to kill me or I have tried to kill him. And again, these are JUST DREAMS. To be honest, mostly I have dreamt that I am trying to kill him.

So, let’s back up a bit. You are probably asking – ‘now WHY are you dreaming or have dreamt that you have tried to kill your father and vice versa?’ Well, to be honest, it is because me and my father have NEVER gotten along. To say that we have been at war with each other ALL MY LIFE is an understatement. And I am 53 years YOUNG! HA! One could say that our relationship has gotten “better.” And in a lot of ways, I suppose it has. But he still has a way of pushing my buttons and vice versa. I learned a long time ago not to be on the phone with him no more than 15 minutes just to ensure that an argument will not start. As a matter of fact, I have made it a point to not call or talk to him at all. You heard me right. I let him call me. If I call him, it is on his birthday or holiday time. Also, when I visit my family there in D.C., I tread carefully with him. We can go almost a week without a fight, but the last time I was there, which was Christmas 2019, the very last day I was there we got into it. And I even tried to walk away! Actually, literally maybe an hour before I left, we got into a rather vicious fight, with him “stepping” towards me like he was going to hit me. Well, needless to say I just stood there, which I think angered him even more. LOL

So, that is a bit of the background. Now on to the dream.

I don’t remember WHERE we were, but I want to say it was our old apartment from WAY back in the day, the apartment I lived in with them when we lived together as a family. (Again, my grandparents and aunt in North Carolina raised me.) I lived with my parents from about 1968 to 1972, when I went to live with my grandparents and aunt. So, I have not lived with them since 1972, just a return every summer as I was growing up and holidays now.

But I digress. In the dream, it was just me and my father in the apartment alone. I walk up the long stairway, turn to the right, and there is the apartment. I walk through the door, and he is waiting for me. With a knife. He comes at me with said knife, and I am able to telekinetically throw him across the room and disarm him. But then he suddenly has a gun, which he quickly fires. However, I am able to clasp my arms in front of me and deflect the bullets. (I learned that trick in an episode of Wonder Woman from the 70s, where she taught it to the girl from Islandia, and I have used it in my dreams ever since. Not. Kidding. LOL) Yes, I have all kinds of special powers in my dreams. If only it was real.

But I deflect the bullets. Now, it is my turn to go after him. I throw him around the room repeatedly. And I am not sure, but I think I ended up killing HIM. But I think you get the overall gist of the dream.

So, let’s tie in some mental health here. Now, let me explain that for some reason lately, I have been having dreams where I have been fighting with my immediate family members: My father, my aunt, and even my mother, whom I have NEVER really argued with. But that dream was more comical and silly than anything. However, my aunt and my father -OMG! WORLD WAR III!!! The fights I have had with the two of them. My aunt and I do NOT fight anymore. As a matter of fact, thankfully, it has been at least THREE decades since we have fought. Maybe a little longer. But when I lived there in Wadesboro with her growing up, it was awful. So, yeah I haven’t fought with her since my 20s. I must say she has truly mellowed over time. As a matter of fact, I am going to admit that there were times as a kid when I really HATED her. And my grandmother. And my grandfather. The household I grew up in was toxic. VERY toxic. So, many secrets. So, many lies. So, much anger and hate. And then add my father to the mix. Well, he was raised by the same people I was raised with. So, that would explain a lot of it.

I think some of that residual anger must still be there buried deep down, which actually surprises me considering I forgave my grandmother and my aunt a LONG time ago. And to an extent even my father and grandfather. I don’t know if it is coming up now because of the pandemic and we are all, for the most part, still isolated. I honestly do not feel any resentment to my aunt and my grandmother. As a matter of fact, I still miss my grandmother who has been dead since 1998!

My father and grandfather, well, that is a different story LOL I know I am still a little angry with them both. Not as bad as it used to be, but I know it is there. And sometimes I have dreams about my family where there is no fighting or anger or no one trying to kill each other.

I mean, was all the anger with my family resolved completely? Will I still always feel this way? Better yet, will I continue to dream about it? Because consciously, I don’t feel angry with my father, grandfather, aunt or grandmother. (I will have to leave my mother and brother out of this, because we don’t fight. Or rather I have never felt resentment towards them.) So, there is SUBconsciously. Maybe I still do. Something to ponder. Maybe even something to continue to work through …

Anyway, thank you my friends! Stay tuned for another post coming up. In the meantime, take care of yourselves!

Well, I am back — much sooner than expected! So, hello dear friends!

As promised, I wanted to do a continuation from yesterday’s post that started off talking about my mini “breakdown” on Monday. And I had begun talking about my VERY strange dreams. So, let’s dive into my dream world!

This dream is from last week some time, but I remember it as if I had it last night. It started off at night here in Atlanta, where I live. It was Valentine’s Day, which of course has not happened yet. I was walking the streets of midtown Atlanta where I have done a LOT of hanging out. I finally came upon my destination, which appeared to be some sort of fancy and expensive department store, which there is not one in midtown Atlanta. Mini malls yes, department stores, no. What made this one particularly interesting was there was a man there waiting for me!!! Yes, yes, YES! (Of course, it had to be a dream! LOL) I could see him through this large window. The man was actually a character from the soap opera I am writing: Detective Juan Carlos Rivera from my soap “Fabulous and Gorgeous.” I have always imagined Mexican actor Demian Bichir portraying him. He would be PERFECT for the role. So, right off the bat that should let you know that both Juan and Demian are EXTREMELY handsome!! 🙂

Anyway, I see Juan (I will refer to him as the character rather than the actor), through the window. He is lying naked on a divan. I enter the store, and he beckons for me to come to him, which of course I do. I get on the divan with him, and of course pretty soon I am naked, too. We start making love, and basically for the whole world to see since it is front of that window. When we are finished, he gives me flowers, candy, and a ring! He proposes to me, and I accept, OF COURSE! I feel so happy in this dream.

And then it gets weird, which is of no surprise. We do get married, but there wasn’t an actual ceremony that I recall. And then I was working, going from store to store late at night picking up items, which was my job. I almost want to say that I was on some sort of security team where all I had to do was go from place to place at night to make sure it was secure. As a matter of fact, there was someone who was chasing me from one place, and I apprehended them, and they went to jail.

Well, the dream continues, and suddenly Juan and I are in Washington, D.C., which is where I lived for the first five years of my life. And DEFINITELY where I had a lot of NIGHTMARES!!! Turns out we were living with my family in a HUGE mansion. But they weren’t actually my family. They were other people I quite frankly didn’t recognize. I believe I had a brother and a sister and an aunt. (In my real life, it is my parents, my younger brother, and my aunt who helped raise me). The point is it was a “good family,” and they were very, very rich. There were servants walking around!

Anyway, we were at dinner, and Juan mentioned that he didn’t think any of my family liked him. My “mother” said that wasn’t true. They just didn’t think that me and Juan were a good match, and my “father” had to admit that it had to do with socioeconomic reasons. And Juan admitted that he really did love all of them, even if they didn’t like him. My parents could not help but be moved by that. And I felt so happy in my dream that he said that. Awwwwww!!! And I need to mention that at this point, we had been married for years.

Now, in terms of mental health – marrying a man like a “Juan Carlos Rivera” has ALWAYS been a fantasy of mine, and it is most definitely tied into the show I am writing. And what does THAT say about me? That I am not happy in my waking life since I don’t have a man of my own at all, and I haven’t in a long, long time? Like a lot of single people who long for companionship, I suppose I just deal with/live with it. But that dream sure did feel good, and I do feel like it helped my mental state. I woke up absolutely ECSTATIC! After all, we are still in the middle of a pandemic and separated from each other. So, the desire for companionship is certainly something a lot of us crave. And yes, that damn Valentine’s Day is coming up!! The candy and balloons have been out since after Christmas!!! Ugh!!!!

So, this seems like a great place to end. BUT I will come back the next time with another dream post. This time the one about my father trying to kill me!!! YIKES!!!

Stay well, my friends! Till the next time!

Hello, friends! I do hope your New Year is going well. And again, it has been a while since I have posted. But I am back! I promise, promise, PROMISE to post much more. I am still in the process of setting everything up so I can drive as much traffic to my blog as possible. This is part of the reason why I haven’t been posting as much as I did in the beginning. I am still studying how to put all of this together LOLOL

At any rate, let’s dive in.

So, as the title suggests I have had a few mini WTF moments, mostly with dreams. As I have stated in earlier blog posts, I would also be covering dreams. And boy do I have them. But first, let me cover the mini meltdown.

As anyone who is suffering from some form of mental un-wellness knows, it can be a daily struggle to just simply cope. Life does NOT make it easy by any stretch of the imagination. So, just yesterday I thought I was doing well. I said my affirmations (which I will cover in a later blog post). And one of the things I tell myself daily is to NOT LET THINGS, SITUATIONS OR PEOPLE UPSET ME. Well, yesterday, they did. LOL

I had a really, really, REALLY long workday, which is actually good, because I need the money, honey! LOLOLOL But I also realized that a certain component of my job bugged me, which was constant talking coming from a person in our group. This person is normally not part of my job. And I think that is what was irritating me. For a particular component of my job – and I am sorry, but I will not disclose what I do at this time for privacy reasons – I basically just sit back and observe and give instructions from time to time. Easy. And I LOVE my job!!!! BUT when you have an “interloper” come in and is trying to give instructions, as well, it can be a bit disjointed.

Well, when you add that on top of the fact that I absolutely ABHOR my living situation, PHEW! I am living with a longtime “friend,” who will NOT be a friend once we part, which hopefully will be in June. No. There is no hopefully about it. I am done. Without getting into all of the particulars, I moved in with this person back in late June of 2019. His habits are a bit strange, to say the least. I realize I have my idiosyncrasies. We all do. But I am also willing to compromise. This clown I live with is not. And after telling myself repeatedly not to let him bother me yesterday, he did. And he really didn’t even do anything. Let me explain further. You see, since the pandemic, he has been unemployed. For. Nearly. A. Year. I am the one who has always worked from home (and I still do thankfully), and his being here all the time greatly disturbs my peace. It really does. I have allowed him to upset me to the point of ME yelling and screaming at HIM. And I honestly don’t like that about myself. Something I am working on trying to change.

But yesterday, it got to me for some reason. So, hence the mini meltdown. However, I did not yell and scream. I did not throw things. I kept it to myself. Well, actually, a VERY good friend called me, and I vented to him. He, too, is going through a similar situation with his roommate. Well, I should say he is going through certain roommate problems. And I must say, I am EXTREMELY grateful that I am not going through what he is going through: The boyfriend is over ALL THE TIME problem. Ugh! I haven’t had to deal with that since college. (And we all know how long ago that was for me!!!) Ha!

So, at this point I am actually going to pat myself on the back for maintaining control and only venting to my good friend, who was – and has been – gracious enough to listen to me.

But coupling everything I have said thus far, I must include my intrusive thoughts. That didn’t help. So, what did I do? I pigged out and had a couple of glasses of wine. But I am still giving myself that pat on the back, because I kept it internal – for the most part, save telling my friend. I did not go off on my roommate, for example. Hey, progress, not perfection.

Now, onto the dreams. Needless to say, I have been having the longest and the strangest dreams. There was one dream in particular where it literally was like a miniseries. The ones last night had people trying to kill me!! Oh and there was the one last week where I dreamt my father was trying to kill me.

Before I go any further, I am going to say that I feel that dreams are a great insight into our mental health. So, what does that say about me if I am dreaming that people, particularly my own father, are trying to kill me???

So, let me split this post up and do another one on just the dreams alone. So, stay tuned …